Finding God in Our Pain

Dr. Kelli Palfy - Healing for Male Sexual Abuse Survivors

Dr. Kelli Palfy - Healing for Male Sexual Abuse Survivors

There is healing for male sexual abuse survivors. Dr. Kelli Palfy, is a registered psychologist working in private practice in Edmonton, AB. Canada. Of the many ways she helps to bring healing into the lives of her clients there was one aspect that I wanted to bring to my listeners today and that is the ignored topic of male survivors of adult or childhood sexual abuse. 

What are signs that a wife might need to be aware of should her husband be a survivor of sexual abuse. How can she protect her sons (and ultimately her daughters too) from sexual abuse…especially since the statistics show 95% of sexual abuse is perpetrated by a family member, someone you trust, someone who has gained the trust of your child. 

For the first 20-25 minutes, Kelli and I talk about her journey to her Ph.d in psychology. Why the interest in helping men find wholeness and healing after sexual abuse? Granted that is not her only focus in her practice but after hearing her story I could see why she could relate.

Not only from her own hesitation to find help for the merciless bullying she endured in her work environment but what she saw day in and day out as she served her community as part of the Royal Mounted Canadian Police.  

Below you'll see some resources listed. Also, on Dr. Palfy’s website she has a Resource link on which you’ll find educational videos. There are personal stories of abuse and healing, how PTSD relates to sexual trauma, the truth about unwanted arousal and several more.

Dr. Palfy does not side step the uncomfortable issue, the tough questions, nor does she avoid addressing the internal struggle. 

Wives, if you feel that your husband is showing some of the signs that Dr. Palfy talks about, take your concerns directly to God because no one knows your husband better than God. No one knows the details of his life, any traumas that may have occurred or the way he's tried to process them. You're looking for direction, support and how to bridge the conversation (should there be a need for one). Don't hesitate to reach out to professionals for guidance as well.

Maybe you can’t identify the signs that Dr. Palfy gives but you know smoothing is wrong, possibly there’s a disconnect of intimacy. To be honest, trauma manifests in a variety of ways, some very unique. Listen to the story that Dr. Palfy shares about the man who begins to limp and it grows worse.

But in either situation, whether it's for your husband or another family member, (son or daughter), educate yourself and consult the Lord for clarity and understanding. Ask God to prepare your husband’s heart for the conversation, if he has indeed ever experienced or is experiencing any type of sexual abuse.

If you are led to be the first one to verbalize what you suspect, have courage. You are in a unique position to usher in healing for your husband, to lift a weight you have no idea the heaviness of it all. Ultimately, you win and your family wins because the head of your household is walking in wholeness and healing. You want to talk about a whole new level of connectedness with your spouse!

It’s the desire of my heart that we all take God up on His ability to bring healing and wholeness into our lives and restore our hearts.

Lived Loved and Thrive! @alifeofthrive.com

Resources:
Book: Willful Blindness, Margaret Heffernan
1in6.org - Confidential non-profit for Sexual Abuse & Assault of Boys and Men
malesurvivor.org- Hope, Healing & Support for men from all walks of life
Dr. Robert Marshall -https://www.roberthmarshall.com
Dr. Kelli Palfy: https://kellipalfy.com/Default.aspx

Transcript: https://www.happyscribe.com/transcriptions/05404e1ca8c24d0a9b0d81c76727f56e/edit_v2

 

Amy Nordhues - Sexual Abuse by a Mental Health Professional

Amy Nordhues - Sexual Abuse by a Mental Health Professional

It is my prayer that today’s conversation with adult sexual abuse survivor Amy Nordhues will strengthen your heart in countless ways. Amy's abuse was at the hands of an older gentleman, trusted by the community as well as the church and he was also a mental health professional.

Amy had the heavy burden of experiencing abuse both in her childhood and as this story indicates, an adult. Can childhood abuse set you up to be an easy target as an adult? Amy answers that question and many more with transparency and a genuine desire to give the abused a voice.

As we talked I could see countless ways the devil was focused on destroying her. From her childhood abuse, where she didn’t have any control over what happened to her to the professional help that at first feels like, she describes it, a sanctuary but then becomes a psychological prison.

She gives examples of the subtle ways her Doctor broke down barriers and Amy’s internal dialogue that silenced the alarms that were going off in her head.  Her candor was refreshing as she didn't side step any questions and gave authentic answers even if they weren't the type that seem appropriate, canned answer most people expect.

Satan may have tried to shut down Amy’s heart, to silence her voice, and keep her from ever discovering who she was in Christ …. but he failed.

Amy is a solid Christ follower. She’s found healing for her abuse, victory over her abusers and whenever Satan feels the desire to take a swing at her over her past, she already has the tools in place to triumph over anything evil tries to put on her.

She knows the One who is our ultimate Healer, Christ. He’s the only One who holds the restoration of our mind, body and heart and He works it all together for our good and His glory. 

Need a little encouragement for your heart today, listen in to Amy’s story of courage to report her abuser and face the backlash from those who did not believe her.

Amy’s courage now to share her story both in this podcast and through her book, Preyed Upon, Breaking Free from Professional Abuse gives you an inside look at the warped beliefs that early abuse instills, beliefs that make adult victims vulnerable to sexual predators and what it looks like to walk in victory. 

If you are in an abusive situation or if you've experienced sexual abuse, Amy is speaking directly to you and your heart will find a kindred spirit. May you remember that you are not alone.

Live Loved and Thrive! @alifeofthrive.com

For more encouragement, read: https://alifeofthrive.com/2021/07/27/adaptive/

Connect with Amy:
https://amynordhues.com/
https://www.facebook.com/AmyNordhues
https://twitter.com/Amy_Nordhues
https://www.instagram.com/amynordhuesauthor/
https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/21702772.Amy_Nordhues
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09HR9TN3N
https://www.linkedin.com/in/amy-nordhues-636806225/
https://www.tiktok.com/@amynordhues

Bio: Amy Nordhues is a survivor of both childhood sexual abuse and sexual abuse as an adult at the hands of a mental health professional. She is a passionate Christ-follower and expert on the healing God provides. She has a BA in psychology with minors in sociology and criminology. Her devotions have been published in The Secret Place (Judson Press) devotional series. Her essay, Give Me a Sign, won 2nd place at the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference Foundation Awards. Her memoir, Prayed Upon, won the Inspire Christian Writers’ “Great Openings” contest for non-fiction. She blogs at www.amynordhues.com. A married mother of three, she enjoys spending time with family, writing, reading, photography, and all things comedy.

Transcript: https://www.happyscribe.com/transcriptions/ed9d17903df94ae3a6d870cfb81caeea/edit_v2

Kevin White - In the Presence of God

Kevin White - In the Presence of God: 

Where or who do you turn to when times get tough? If you're a Christian then you immediately turn your focus to the presence of God. Our conversation today focuses on getting to the point with regard to the plan and purpose of our Christian faith which is pursuing the presence of God. Without the presence of God we are merely another religion.

Our salvation is the first step and it gives us direct access to God. Our worship, our prayers, our service etc should usher us into His presence.

It always has been and will always be about our personal, intimate, one-on-one relationship with Christ. If we enter into salvation but never grow in intimacy with Christ, how will we ever be able to claim our rightful place as the bride? I mean, we wouldn't even know our Groom.

My guest, Author Kevin White and I boil it down for you as we talk about his newest book, Getting to the Point: Every Guidance or Provision You will Ever Need Can be Found Today in God’s Presence. 

I want to repeat that….Every guidance. Every provision. You will ever need. Is found today. In God’s presence. 

Sound way too easy? If so, let me ask you this, how much time do you spend with God developing your relationship with Him? Talking with Him and listening for His reply? Think about distractions or times when your mind isn’t settled. I spend time with God but a lot of times I don’t slow down enough to hear Him speak. So you know what I do then? I fill in the blanks of what I’m sure He would have said. Then I run out into the day with false information.

So If you are like me and are prone to distraction or lose your focus, then when my one-on-one time with the Lord is up, I realize that I didn’t even give God a chance to speak. Or maybe He did speak and I missed it!

So it's not too good to be true because it takes intention and discipline to give God your time and create a space where He can speak into our situations, heart, mind etc. We must intentionally slow down (to thoughtfully engage) and that in itself is a challenge.

And the reality is, it’s not easy but it’s so incredibly worth it. In the times when I rest in God’s presence, give Him that space to bring His sovereignty into my life, it’s a beautiful thing. My mind, heart and emotions get a good dose of peace, clarity and strength for the day ahead because He reveals Himself in a way that affords me provision and reveals His guidance.

Listen now as Kevin shares what he’s learned about getting to the point of our Christian faith and into the presence of God. 

Live Loved and Thrive! @ alifeofthrive.com

Read more about God's intimacy for us at https://alifeofthrive.com/2022/01/11/god-2/

Learn more about Kevin and his work at https://kevinwhite.us or on his socials:
Facebook: Kevin White 
Twitter: @kevinwhiteus
LinkedIn: Kevin White 
Instagram: @kevinwhiteus

BIO: Kevin White is an international best-selling author, speaker and founder and Executive Director of Global Hope India. He has traveled over 1 millions miles and to 27 countries speaking on the point of Christianity. With the complications of today’s world, Kevin’s work simplifies and purifies the Christian experience to one fact: The point is to seek God’s presence and build a relationship with Him. 

Transcript: https://www.happyscribe.com/transcriptions/698afe02f9a64002a2cae43a8f1e672d/edit_v2

Kisha Moore - Put Guilt, Shame, and Regret to Rest

Kisha Moore - Put Guilt, Shame, and Regret to Rest

If you struggle with guilt, shame and regret this conversation is intended to give your heart rest. We’ll point you to the One who knew how hard something like this would be and therefore provided a place, actually Someone, The One to take our pain to and lay it down at His feet, the feet of Jesus. I have personally found Him to be the One, who makes it possible for me to lift my head under the weight of my mistakes.

In today’s episode, you’ll be privy to a typical conversation between my friend Kisha Moore and I.  The topic is built around guilt, shame and regret. 

What I loved about how our time together developed was that we included what it means (both how and why) to stay connected to God.  I think it’s a fair assumption that when we are weighed down with guilt, shame and regret it puts a distance between us and the one whom we’ve let down and that includes when we let ourselves down.  Who wants to spend time in the presence of the person whom you would never want to disappoint when in fact you have been less than you thought you were. 

But because of the cross the very place we should go is into the presence of God. The reason is because the cross that He provided is the way to restore our peace. A way to ease our burdened heart.

There is one area of this topic that I wish we would have touched on and that is guilt with regard to the pain and suffering we have caused others. So I’ll add this quick thought. The way to make peace with that sort of pain is to process it with God, ask Him what did our actions mean, why did we do that. And part of healing is to take responsibility for your actions, decisions, words. 

Off the top of my head, I think of apologizing (as a way to take responsibility) however, we have no control over the way someone responds to our apology. Truth be told, they may never agree to let us off the hook. Sadly, that also includes ourself as one not wanting to let us off the hook. Very few are as cruel to us as we are to ourselves.

As a mom of boys I remember trying to get blood out of their clothing. Was never successful no matter the cleaning product I used. Also, back in the day I worked for a polymer plant and I learned that red dye was the most potent color we had. Nothing would overtake the color red and it’s what I think about when it comes to the shed blood of Jesus on the cross. 

While our sin harms us and others, ultimately our sin is against God and that’s why we go to God.  We have the privilege of laying our guilt, shame and regret at the feet of Jesus, the only intercessor we need and let His crimson blood saturate our guilt and pain until His blood is all we see. 

If you think this is too good to be true, an easy out, then I want to challenge you with two things. 

First I want to challenge you to get real about taking responsibility for your sin and how it has affected you and other people. If you look your sin square in the eye, not giving yourself an out such as pointing to another person or an excuse then its not an easy task. It’s a tough thing to do but it's the first step in moving from victim to victor. 

Secondly, take a look at what a crucification is, the purpose behind the sinless Lamb’s blood and the heart of the Father who provided a way for us to lift our head under the weight of our sin…in the here and now.

Transcript: https://www.happyscribe.com/transcriptions/89cb763c9bac4d20bc1ffb2e05c86745/edit_v2

Connect with Kisha Moore:
FB: https://www.facebook.com/KSMILEY73
IG: https://www.instagram.com/thatgirlkissya/

 

Donna Tashjian - Pregnant at 15, Unwed Teen Mom

Donna Tashjian - Pregnant at 15, Single Mom

Donna Tashjain is the founder of Vibrant Living International a non-profit organization. She specializes in helping you turn your baggage into luggage (don't you just love that we can do that!?) so you can live the life of your dreams using and developing your spiritual intelligence.

I don’t think we give enough value to our spiritual intelligence but there’s a lot of wealth in that… And when I say wealth I’m not talking about money, I’m talking about rich understanding, deep knowledge, life changing revelation, restful peace, resonating joy, and all the beauty that comes with resting in God’s presence.

If anyone knows what it takes to be an overcomer, it’s Donna. Pregnant at 15 in a society and era that treated unwed mothers as disgusting or less than deserving was challenging enough.  In addition to that, her family thought being tough on her was helpful in making her strong. All the complications of being 15, a pregnancy that was not of her will and raising a baby with the bare basics, Donna learned how to turn to God and depend on Him to come through for her as she navigated raising a baby with the bare basics.

In a this harsh environment, every dead end solution or brick wall she came to Donna experienced the value of leaning on God and learning who He wanted to be for her. With each meal on the table, every time the car started, a job, every act of protection and provision, Donna saw God’s hand and she let His faithfulness build her trust in Him.

Listen in and let Donna’s experience encourage your heart that you can never disappoint God.

And remember, keep your eyes on God because He’s writing a much bigger love story with you as the unique person He created you to be so that you can live loved and do more than survive, you can thrive!

Live Loved and Thrive! @alifeofthrive.com

Connect with Donna
iVibrantLiving.com - make sure to get her free E-Book
616-916-1432


Social Media Connections:

https://www.facebook.com/drtashjian/

https://www.instagram.com/drtashjian/

https://twitter.com/DonnaTashjian

https://www.linkedin.com/in/donnatashjian/

Bio:
Donna is the founder of Vibrant Living International a non-profit organization. She is also a Life Mastery Coach, an ordained minister, podcaster, and author. She helps bring accelerated transformation to people across the world. Her passion is to help you reach your full potential. She specializes in helping you turn your baggage into luggage so you can live the life of your dreams using and developing your spiritual intelligence. Donna has been speaking and coaching for over 20 years. 

She has developed powerful programs and workshops to help you through life's transitions and challenges to achieve your goals or dreams. She says, “I will help you walk away from overwhelm, stress and self-doubt into peace and confidence, like a refreshing vacation for your body & soul. 

She also produces a podcast is called “You Were Designed for Greatness” and has written 4 books. 

Her clients say she has a knack for turning fear into excitement and exposing lies so the truth can shine through. 

Transcript: https://www.happyscribe.com/transcriptions/cd8313d5fbb24cd2ba6d76cc209bed42/edit_v2

 

Joan Benson - Adoption of Older Children

Joan Benson - Adopting Older Children

My guest Joan Benson met her husband David when they were 15 and 16 years old. They fell in love and dreamed of a big family. When infertility became their reality they turned to adoption. Their first 2 (separate) adoptions were infants, their son Shannon and daughter Kristie. They later adopted two older sons (separate adoptions), first was Larry and then Wiley. 

Joan’s momma heart dreamed of leaving a legacy of love, compassion and trust. She imagined her and David growing old together, enjoying their grandchildren, watching their children work hard, be successful and live healthy, well adjusted lives. 

Those dreams would be severely challenged when Joan realizes that she did not have the skillset that the two oldest sons would require. Not even her devoted love could reach the painful places of trauma that both Larry and Wiley had experienced prior to being folded into Joan and David’s family. 

Just when things couldn’t be more crucial ... the boys struggling through their high school years, testosterone infused determination and emotional issues heaped on top ... the love of Joans life, David decides to leave the family for a younger woman. So much for the Christian family values that Joan had longed to give her children.

This conversation is but a shadow of all that Joan has endured and despite the complications and heartache Joan fully supports adopting older children. So much has changed for the better when it comes to the emotional and mental needs of traumatized children but her advice to educate oneself is still key to giving the adoption the best shot at success.

As you listen in, let your heart be reminded that we were once orphans or maybe we live with orphan heart belief patterns. But as God’s children, He is extravagantly, generously generous to us and we can never go so far that His love can’t cover us.

Live Loved and Thrive! @alifofthrive.com

Transcript: https://www.happyscribe.com/transcriptions/e9b65a92e21847c9810f0e2e42506b3c/edit_v2

Connect with Joan:
Email: https://www.joancbenson.com/
Request Joan to speak at your next event, please contact her at bensonjj@verizon.net or by phone 757-567-4637.

 

Janice Liggins - The Calling on Your Life

There is a calling on your life. You were created by God to leave a legacy of who He is. How you use your life to testify to who God is will be for your good and God's glory. So many scriptures speak of what it means for "our good." One in particular comes to mind, Psalm 112:2 says, "...the generation of the upright will be blessed."

God makes sure that His children do not beg in the streets and that He walks with them through every phase of life. What exactly is a calling? It is the subject of my conversation with guest Janice Liggins. 

Janice is a child of God and she’s also an author, civic leader, founder of a nonprofit, TV show host, and a granny. She has published a book titled Journey to Your Calling: The Path to Receive the Desires of Your Heart so she and I focused on what it looks like to find your calling.

We also talked about things like, what is the difference between a purpose and calling? What type of desire does God fulfill, is it our own personal want list? We also talked about the fact that it can be very scary when God interrupts our life and redirects. Plus, how do we know it’s God closing doors vs people just being people with all of our brokenness complicating life.

Janice shares her story of how God interrupted her life to redirect her into her calling. She gives examples of what it looked like for Him to move her from where she was, in a successful business that He’d been blessing and into a place where he closes the business and points her toward a topic/issue that she knew nothing about. 

She talks about how God begin lay the ground work in her life, to peak her interest a couple of years before He actually made His move to shift her into this new place. We discussed how God never wastes anything that we’ve already put our hand to or been through or learned, He never wastes a thing. He builds on it. 

The result of her responding to God’s leading, this shifting, redirecting and uncertainty was that she discovered her calling, the most fulfilling work she’s ever experienced to date. It’s her non-profit, The Clarion Call. We talked about how this meaningful work is impacting her community. Then we briefly touched on her book Journey to Your Calling.

Many things are springing forth from this book and she’s getting ready to be a journey coach as a companion to the book because Janice says it is indeed a journey. 

In her book she leads you through seven major progressions of spiritual growth and development that we all must go though with the Lord on our journey to identifying and walking in our calling.

You can find her book on Amazon but if you order directly from her website, Janice will autograph it for you. Plus it’s a direct and personal connection with the author and that means something with regard to connection and community….something God built us for. 

Listen in as Janice shares her journey into her calling and then if you so desire, order her book so that you can walk fully in yours! I get no benefits from your purchase….just the satisfaction of knowing you’re digging deeper into the heart of God for all that He has for you.

Lived Loved and Thrive! @alifeofthrive.com 

Get connected with Janice:
Website (and where you can order your copy of her book): https://www.journeytoyourcalling.com/
Non-profit: https://www.theclarioncall.info/
FB: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1708565872737113
IG: https://www.instagram.com/journeytoyourcallingbyjhl/

Bio:
Janice Hatcher Liggins is an author, civic leader, entrepreneur, founder of a nonprofit, TV show host, intercessor, mother, granny, and most importantly, a child of the Most High God.

Transcript: https://www.happyscribe.com/transcriptions/33baf463521f4e57afdd5801a300d991/edit_v2

 

Hope Reager - Death of Her Son

Hope Reager - Death of Her Son

Hope Reager is the founder of Grief 2 Hope, a group she facilitates in memory of her son, Justin Cole Mapp who at 19 lost his life at the hands of his roommate.

There are few conversations more difficult than talking with a mom who has lost a child.

Hope was so gracious and genuine that it eased the conversation….I couldn’t help but think that when she was named Hope, they spoke something enduring over her life.

You’re going to hear her heartbreak but you will also hear her joy and sense of humor rise to the surface. Maybe you’ll hear what I heard, the qualities of hope: optimistic about the future, focused on the best in other people, accepting of change, engaged in life.

One of the moments that really got my heart and it was because God’s not always focused on what we’re focused on. He cares for us on such an intimate level that we can miss what He’s doing but I don’t think Hope missed it.

We were talking about guilt associated with her son’s passing in the context of the young man who killed her son pleads self-defense and there is no trial. Hope has not only laid her son to rest but she now has to lay down any need or desire or really, a right for justice to be done for her son. I’m then struck by the fact that a derivative of Justin is Justus, meaning just, fair, righteous. And it would appear that he didn’t get that. 

But Hope chooses to rest her heart on the fact that God will take care of that. God's concern and care is focused on her. Because She feels that God spared her not only from a potential lengthy trial and reliving the details over and over but also when God doesn’t pave the way for a trial He also spares her from dodging any guilt she might have. What I mean by that is, when we’re grieving something there always seems to be a degree of regret or guilt.

A trial would have given Hope a target to focus on but it would have also delayed her need to process one the most painful parts of loosing someone and that is not being able to have changed the outcome. Just like Hope said, "Moms fix everything. They make everything better. That’s what we do."

She has to face all the questions and running scenarios through in her mind and what could she have done differently. She has to process it and interestingly it’s part of what is making her so mad at God. It’s like He doesn’t let her shy away from her anger at Him. He wants to engage her, draw her into a conversation, inviting her to pour it out to Him.

Hope believes that she was given this pain for purpose and positivity. In her Grief2Hope groups, she provides kindness and support for all types of grief and her goal is to provide a safe place of peace, hope, and support.

In the 7 week series she uses the acronym GRIEF to help with the grieving process. If you’re listening prior to January 2022, the newest 7 week series of the year will start on January 6th. Check her out at grief2hope.com. If I remember correctly she said you don’t have to come to all 7 Zoom meetings, you can drop in when you can. You’ll be in a safe space where you are not alone in your grief.

Real quick before we get started….she refers to being at Tim Horton’s, that is a coffee/donut shop.

Facebook 
Hope: 
https://www.facebook.com/hope.day.3975 
Grief2Hope 
https://www.facebook.com/Grief2Hope2020 

Instagram 
Grief2Hope 
https://www.instagram.com/grief2hope2020/ 

Linkedin 
Hope 
http://linkedin.com/in/hope-reger-05362984 
Grief2Hope 
https://www.linkedin.com/company/grief-2-hope

BIO: Hope Reger lives in Delaware, Ohio with her husband Mike, She has two sons Brian, 31 and Justin, forever 19 and two amazing grand-daughters, Haylynn and Addi. Hope's "day job" is a talent coordinator with a major financial institution for the past 25 years. Hope believes her purpose in life was given to her after the traumatic loss of her son to murder. That purpose is to provide positivity, inspiration, and hope to others through her Grief 2 Hope program she created in honor of her son. Grief 2 Hope is a virtual peer grief support group that allows grievers a safe space to be their authentic self with support of others who understand and know exactly what they are going through. One of Hope's quotes she likes to ends each session with is " Grief changes your entire world, it can also inspire you to change the world".

TRANSCRIPT: https://www.happyscribe.com/transcriptions/c5bbe4654b4b4ad78724c44f1d52b0fc/edit_v2