Finding God in Our Pain

Christian Women in Violent Situations, with Reverend Cheryl Kincaid

SUMMARY:
The conversation features Reverend Cheryl discussing her experiences with childhood trauma, including living in a chaotic environment with an abusive father and a depressed mother.
*She emphasizes the importance of recognizing and addressing abuse, understanding forgiveness, and setting boundaries.
*The dialogue explores the complexities of healing, the role of faith, and the necessity of confronting abusive behavior while also finding strength in God.
*Reverend Cheryl shares insights on how to support women in violent situations, the significance of therapy, and the importance of community support.
*Ultimately, she highlights that healing is a lifelong journey involving layers of understanding and growth, and encourages women to assert their identity in Christ to reclaim their voices and establish healthy boundaries.

PODCAST INTRO:
The ministry of my guest, Reverend Cheryl Kincaid, focuses on giving voice to Christian women caught in violent situations and relationships, aiming to help them find wholeness and healing through God's instruction.

Using her personal story of abuse combining that with her education in Marriage and Family Therapy along with her Master of Divinity from San Francisco Theological Seminary, Rev Cheryl talked about understanding abuse, boundaries, identity, righteous anger, and forgiveness as taught in the bible. The discussion on forgiveness alone was worth the conversation because so much about God’s love and forgiveness has been hijacked with a toxic empathy that is used against tender hearted, conscious Christians especially the abused.

We talked about the difference between forgiveness and denial. Reverend Cheryl states that forgiveness requires acknowledging the hurt caused by others and making a conscious decision to forgive, while denial involves minimizing the impact of the abuse or rationalizing it.

One of the tools that Rev Cheryl shares is for the moments when you’re having a flashback, you’ve been triggered or trying to resolve inner, emotional mental conflict in yourself. She shares this exercise, the therapeutic term known as classical conditioning and it involves using your dominate hand to represent yourself as the adult you are and your non-dominate hand as the child you were.

Using your dominant hand you write down something like, I know you’re in pain right now and Using your name, you ask yourself by writing down, what is going on? Then Using your non-dominant hand write down your emotions. There is a point to using your non-dominant hand because it looks like a child’s handwriting.

Then Looking at the emotions that surfaced you use your adult hand (that knows the truth about where you are now) to comfort your child hand (that is bringing forth the emotions that are connected to the pain).

Reframe the emotions with truth whether it be with God’s word/His promises, with facts such as Rev Cheryl said things like, You couldn’t take care of yourself then but you can take care of yourself now and then you’d list truths. If it was about money, it could be, I have a job, I have a bank account, I’m working toward financial independence. If it was about not having control then say, I have control over myself, I’m responsible for myself, I am learning to set boundaries, I have boundaries in place etc Things that speak truth over where you are today.

To me, I thought it was effective using your hands because it gets you outside your head. I think that would be beneficial because sometimes you have so much emotion and overwhelm in your head that if you can make it external, it seems to help you isolate and sort through your emotions in that moment.

It reminds me of the effectiveness of journaling as a way to purge your thoughts on paper, it gets everything you can list out of your mind and you can sort through it that way too.

So in short, us the classical condition exercise to take what you’re believing based on your past and updating it with the truth of where you are today and where you’re headed, toward wholeness and healing. And even if your current answers for today (as the adult) are not in your favor with regard to healing and wholeness it gives you a starting point, it helps you pinpoint the fact you need to take action.

One of the things we didn’t get a chance to talk about is that Rev Cheryl is an author of several books. Her stories are inspired from witnessing God’s redemptive grace in the messy reality of authentic life for Christian’s, including her own. In her stories she’s not afraid to address violent issues that many women find themselves in. Using realistic life situations she reveals the heart of God, His love, care, concern, ability to heal and restore despite the brokenness of this life.

Be prepared to stop this audio along the way so that you can digest what she is sharing; which is practical advice and things you can immediately implement to move from being a victim to becoming victorious!

Let’s listen in!

Live Loved and Thrive! @alifeofthrive.com
Sherrie Pilk

MORE PODCASTS AND/OR BLOGS ON SIMILAR TOPICS:
Letting God Rewrite Trauma and Abuse, with LaShaundra Barnes: https://alifeofthrive.com/2024/11/20/letting-god-rewrite-trauma-and-abuse-with-lashaundra-barnes/
Breaking Cycles of Abuse and Trauma, with Lindsey Smith: https://alifeofthrive.com/2024/07/31/breaking-cycles-of-abuse-and-trauma-with-lindsey-smith/
Heal from Childhood Abuse, with Virginia Jones: https://alifeofthrive.com/2023/03/01/healing-from-childhood-abuse-with-virginia-jones/

CONNECT WITH REVEREND CHERYL:
Website: https://revcherylkincaid.com/

BIO:

Reverend Cheryl Kincaid is a Presbyterian Minister who studied Marriage and Family Therapy at Bethel Seminary and has a Master of Divinity from San Francisco Theological Seminary. 

Reverend Kincaid is a prolific author of five books, Hearing the Gospel Through Charles Dickens A Christmas Carol (which is the winner of the 2013 Independent Christian Publishers Illumination Reward for bible study), The little Clay Pot, The Little Candle That Was Frightened of the Dark, Karrie's Thorn and A Forgotten Door Called Home. 

Rev. Kincaid seeks to tell the story of God’s comforting redemptive grace in the midst of an imperfect world. Rev. Cheryl Kincaid has twenty years of experience in Christian ministry, and she confesses that many of her stories were inspired from witnessing God’s redemptive grace unfold in wounded Christian’s lives, including her own. 

Visit her website at Pastor Cheryl Kincaid's website to hear her sermons and hear more about her other books at https://revcherylkincaid.com/. To read about Rev. Kincaid's inspiration for writing Hearing the Gospel Through Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol visit her website http://www.dickensandchristianity.com/ and read about Charles Dickens' faith journey.

Revealing God’s Heart for Adoption, with Anita Keagy

SUMMARY:
*Anita shares her personal journey of facing an unplanned pregnancy at 17, navigating the emotional turmoil of telling her pastor father and the challenges of societal expectations.
*Raised in a loving Christian family, she struggled with feelings of shame and the weight of her decision regarding her pregnancy.
*After much prayer and reflection, she chose to place her child for adoption, believing it was in the best interest of her baby.
*Throughout her experience, she highlights the importance of relationship over rules, the unconditional love of God, and the grace she received from her family and church community.
*Anita emphasizes the significance of seeking God and the transformative power of sharing her story, which ultimately led her to start a ministry focused on helping others connect with God through His Word.
*Her first-hand experience illustrates themes of love, redemption, and the importance of trusting in God's plan during difficult times.

PODCAST INTRO:
Have you ever struggled with God over a problem that is very heavy and even traumatic? Maybe it’s a consequence from a choice you made or maybe it is a problem someone created for you (based on their choices). Either way, you’re faced with a difficult decision. My guest, Anita Keagy shares about her unplanned pregnancy at 17 and the all the different ways that God met her in her circumstance.

Anita’s family had always provided a strong foundation of faith in Christ and they pointed her to Him again when she needed clarity, answers, direction, forgiveness. As you’ll hear in her story, God was ahead of her need beginning with a relocation. God had already stirred her pastor father to look for a church in Lancaster, PA. Her father was offered a pastoral job so they had just recently moved when Anita discovers she’s pregnant. The church that the Lord placed them in welcomed them with kindness and the desire to help them. It was a church family and environment that would be supportive to a new pastor and his family including an unwed 17 year old pregnant daughter.

When Anita asked God what was best for her baby she felt she’d heard clearly that adoption was to be her choice. Even after making the decision she felt God was leading her toward, as her belly grows and she begins to feel the baby move, she second guesses whether it was God she heard or herself. Have you ever been there? Trying to discern whether you heard God right, did He really say that? I think that question is as old as the Garden of Eden. It’s that struggle where we’re asking/wondering, was that your voice God or my internal voice?

As we all know, adoption does not end with a decision. This is an issue of the human heart and there is a lifetime ahead both for the mother and the child. Anita points out her concerns about creating abandonment and rejection issues for her daughter. Even though she had prayed and requested a Christian family for her daughter, Anita still had anxiety wondering if her little girl was safe, loved, protected.

In the delivery room, Anita had only heard her daughter cry, she did not get to see her nor hold her so Anita’s heart ached to meet the baby that had changed her life. She so desired to learn more about her. In our conversation, you can tell that Anita’s heart was broken but she held on to hope that God would one day allow a reunion and Anita would actually meet, touch, hug her daughter, hear her daughter’s voice once again.

There are many precious moments that Anita shares but the one that stood out to me was the exchange that she and God had in a quiet moment together and God speaks into her spirit about His longing for the orphan hearts of the children that He desires to adopt and even those who have professed Him as their Savior but have yet to make Him the Lord of their life through reading His word, talking with Him and creating intimate relationship. As God speaks into Anita’s spirit, the revelation that God shares is a pivotal moment in her life and her ministry is born. She has an incredibly hope filled heart to model and equip, in a simple way, how to engage the heart of God, pursue Him and grow in intimacy.

Listen in to hear how God walked with Anita in the midst of her unplanned pregnancy. Learn what is was like for Anita to finally meet her daughter. And to me, the cherry on top of it all, the beauty of God’s ability to use the pain of Anita’s broken heart yearning for her daughter and exchange it for something far more beautiful than Anita could think to ask for.

That’s our God; to take the pain of this life, dismantle it with His truth and His love, repurpose it and bring beauty! A true beauty for ashes story. Let’s listen in!

Lived Loved and Thrive! @alifeofthrive.com
Sherrie Pilk

OTHER PODCASTS AND/OR BLOGS ON THIS TOPIC:
Healing And Blending Families Through A Surprise Adoption X2 with Jennifer Uren: https://alifeofthrive.com/2021/05/26/adoption/
(Blog) A Mother’s Day Wish for You (this includes the precious mommas who chose adoption): https://alifeofthrive.com/2019/05/12/a-mothers-day-wish-for-you/

CONNECT WITH ANITA:
Website: https://www.joyshop.org/
Book Link: https://www.joyshop.org/shop
Free 21 Day Challenge: https://www.joyshop.org/21-day-challenge

BIO (as seen on her website joyshop.org/about) 
Anita Keagy founded JoyShop Ministries in 2006 with one simple mission: To inspire people to spend time with God every day through Bible reading and prayer. Since then, she has traveled nationwide and internationally, sharing her message of seeking God first each day as the key to abundant life and joy. Thousands of people have heard and responded to her dynamic message at conferences, retreats, school chapel settings and churches.

With a compelling story of how God used a very difficult situation in her life for His glory, Anita shares candidly how she became pregnant as a teenager – all the more “scandalous” because she was a preacher’s daughter – and made the difficult choice to place her daughter for adoption. Although she never had the privilege to see or hold her child, Anita never stopped yearning to know her first-born daughter, even as she married and had four more children. Through a file of letters and the help of her adoption agency, Anita finally met her firstborn 21 years later. God used Anita’s own desire to know her child to impress upon her how much He wants to know His children – us! With that knowledge, a ministry was born that is now thriving and impacting lives every day.

Anita is the author of, “The File: A Mother and Child’s Life-Changing Reunion.” Her motivational 6 session DVD series, “Seeking God First,” has encouraged and challenged those who long for a deeper relationship with God. Her DVD, “Letters to an Unknown Daughter” is her personal testimony of motherhood, hope, and healing. Her book and DVD series, along with additional supportive materials, can be purchased on her website.

Anita Keagy lives in Washington Boro, Pennsylvania, with her husband Paul. She is the mother of 5 adult children, and 11 grandchildren. She attended Messiah College and received training from both Kay Arthur, of Precept Ministries, and Anne Graham Lotz.

The Weight of Divorce in a Christian Marriage, with Kimberly Haar

SUMMARY:
*In this conversation, guest Kim Harr shares her journey through grief, loss, and trauma as a Christian woman who faced significant challenges in her marriage and personal life.
*After 23 years of marriage and four children, she experienced difficulties that led to divorce, despite her strong commitment to her faith and the belief that marriage should last until death.
*She shares a harrowing experience of being kidnapped and assaulted by her ex-husband and how she found God's presence during that traumatic event.
*Kim discusses the emotional turmoil she faced, including feelings of disappointment and shame, and how she sought counsel and support. *The conversation also touches on the importance of forgiveness, healing, and the presence of God during difficult times.
*Kim emphasizes that healing is a choice and involves navigating through various emotions, including anger and sorrow.
*Throughout the discussion, Kim highlights the significance of community, the process of reclaiming joy after loss, and the importance of setting boundaries.
*Her book, "Healing from Life's Deepest Hurts," offers tools for readers to find their own healing.
*Kim closes the conversation with a message of hope, emphasizing that no story is too broken for God to heal and restore, encouraging others to trust in God's plan for their lives.

PODCAST INTRO:
What happens when your dreams of a fairytale marriage, a Prince Charming husband and living happily ever after come crashing down around you? Kim Harr, a woman of faith diligently sought God’s heart for her marriage and pressed Him for His ability to make all things new and yet her marriage ended in divorce. By her choice.

Author Kim Haar shares her personal story not only with divorce but the harrowing experience of her ex-husband kidnapping her, assaulting her for 4 hours and then shooting her boyfriend Andrew, 10 times.

Initially when Kim was trying to make her marriage work she shares that while she and her husband attended marriage counseling there were many times when she felt lost and unsupported and that’s what motivated her to work toward and achieve her license as a professional therapist. Today she’s helping women become the best version of themselves and she’s super passionate about helping women get “unstuck” from the things they may not be able to put a finger on yet but they do realize there’s a disconnect.

Once a victim, Kim now walks in victory and that is what lead Kim to write and publish her book, Healing from Life’s Deepest Hurts - Reclaiming Your Life After Grief, Loss, or Trauma. She shares her personal story in much more detail than we have time for in this podcast episode and she also gives the reader tools so they can initiate their own healing and wholeness in their personal story.

If you find yourself facing a divorce or in the aftermath of divorce, listen to Kim because not only does she remind you that you are not alone, she’ll help you navigate the painful terrain of what can feel like a shameful failure. If you’d like more wisdom and discernment for the journey, you can check out her book (links below) or you can reach out to her using her contact info (as seen below).

Side Note: When Kim is talking about her ex-husband shooting Andrew we leave you hanging. I didn’t mean to do that! ’m sure it was because Kim and I had already talked so I knew how it turns out and therefore could easily focus on other aspects of Kim’s message. Do know that at the end we come back to Andrew and let you know how that all turned out. You could fast forard to the end but you’d miss so much deep wisdom that Kim shares along the way. So hang in there because Kim does tell you what happened not only with Andrew but brings us up to speed on her life.

Let’s listen in to find out that there’s no story so broken that God cannot heal it!

Live Loved and Thrive! @alifeofthrive.com
Sherrie Pilk

Other podcast episodes and/or blogs on this topic:
*Making Marriage Healthy with Marriage Counselor, Leslie Davis: https://alifeofthrive.com/2023/11/08/marriage-healthy/
*Christian marriage, Abuse and Boundaries, with Stephanie Jordan: https://alifeofthrive.com/2023/04/12/christian-marriage-abuse-and-boundaries/
*A Porn Free Marriage is Possible with Rosie MaKinney: https://alifeofthrive.com/2022/05/11/porn-free/
*Healing for Male Sexual Abuse Survivors with Dr. Kelli Palfy: https://alifeofthrive.com/2022/03/30/male-sexual-abuse/

CONNECT WITH KIMBERLY:
Website: https://kimberlyhaar.com/
Podcast: Keeping It Real: https://kimberlyhaar.com/podcast/
Purchase Her Book (link is on the page near the bottom): https://kimberlyhaar.com/healing-from-lifes-deepest-hurts-book/

BIO:
Kimberly Haar is a licensed therapist, author, and speaker with nearly two decades of experience in trauma recovery and marriage and family therapy. Blending clinical insight with deep faith, she helps others move from pain to purpose. Drawing from her own story of healing, Kimberly shares a message of hope and restoration, reminding others that with God, no story is too shattered to be rewritten, and no life too broken to be beautifully restored.

The Possibility of Joy after Child Loss, with Lisa Espinoza

SUMMARY:
- The conversation is centered around Lisa Espinoza's experience with child loss, focusing on her son, Chandler. 
- Lisa shares that Chandler was adventurous and lived life fully, participating in various activities and sports. 
- Chandler had a philosophy of life and was deeply affectionate and protective of others, never meeting a stranger. 
- Lisa recounts the tragic accident that led to Chandler's passing and the subsequent 18 days of struggle before his death on January 1, 2019. 
- The grief process for Lisa involved accepting the loss, processing pain, adjusting to life without Chandler, and maintaining a connection with him. 
- She emphasizes the importance of not minimizing grief and allowing oneself to feel all emotions, including anger and sorrow. 
- Lisa discusses honoring Chandler's memory through writing a book and helping others who have experienced similar loss. 
- She finds joy in simple moments and believes in the possibility of joy coexisting with grief. 
- Lisa encourages others to accept help from friends and community and to remain open to moments of joy. 
- The conversation concludes with a focus on finding purpose and meaning after loss and the importance of inviting joy into one's life.

PODCAST INTRO:
Guest, Lisa Espinoza is an author, coach and a speaker. She stops by the show today to share her personal story of child loss, grief and finding joy even in the midst of great pain.

The process of grief is as different as the person it comes upon but none-the-less we can find incredible value because shared story is how grieving hearts find encouragement. Child loss is an indescribable pain that no parent wishes to be part of. For Lisa, the loss of her son Chandler was a life-altering event that reshaped her world in countless ways.

Lisa shares a heartfelt conversation of her experiences, providing us with a glimpse into a love that will never end coupled with the grief that accompanies the loss of a child. Her story is one of resilience, hope, and the unwavering belief in the power of connection both with having Christ as your foundation and staying connected to life by way of offering practices of remembrance whether that be spontaneously and deliberately.

You’ll hear Lisa’s reflection on Chandler’s adventurous spirit, the kind of person who embraced life with open arms and an open heart. Chandler was one of the four children that Lisa and her husband have (and I do say have because the fact that Chandler is their son will never change)…, a son who brought joy and chaos in equal measure (If you’re raising boys you’ll know exactly what she’s talking about when she shares those examples). You’ll definitely see that Chandler lived life to the fullest.

The journey of grief is a roller coaster ride at best, yet it is also a testament to the strength and resilience of the human spirit. Lisa's approach to grief involved reclining in the Lord and trusting Him to be with her through the dark valley. With God beside her, she decided to embrace the pain and allowed herself to feel deeply. She talked about other healthy ways of processing emotions and pain whether through counseling, writing, or simply sitting with the emotions; maybe with trusted friend who can bear that type of weight (in a healthy way).

By accepting the loss and finding ways to adjust to a world without Chandler, Lisa not only finds encouragement for each day but peace and dare I say it (in this context of grief), she finds joy that honors her son's adventurous spirit.

In her quest to find meaning amidst the sorrow, Lisa found purpose in helping others navigate their grief (her coaching services). Her writings, initially shared on a blog, became a source of comfort for many, offering a candid and raw portrayal of her journey. Through her words, Lisa provides a lifeline to those who feel isolated in their pain, reinforcing the knowledge that they are not alone. Because of the response she was receiving from her blog posts, she decided to published her story and it is now available to anyone who would love to be encourage (link below). Her story is a powerful reminder that even in the darkest moments, the possibility of joy and connection can light the way forward.

Lisa Espinoza's story is a poignant testament to the enduring power of love and the human capacity to heal and find meaning amidst profound loss. Her journey through grief is a beacon of hope, showing that even in the face of unimaginable pain, you are never alone and you can trust God to know the way through.

Live Loved and Thrive! @alifeofthrive.com
Sherrie Pilk

Connect with Lisa:
Website: https://www.lisaespinoza.com
Her books: First, Brush Your Teeth—Grief and Hope in Real Time: https://www.lisaespinoza.com/first-brush-your-teeth
Days of Whine and Noses—Pep Talks for Tuckered Out Moms
FB - https://www.facebook.com/lisachandlersmom
IG - https://www.instagram.com/lisa.espinoza/

BIO:
Author and speaker Lisa Espinoza is a trusted companion to others along their journeys of grief. In her book First, Brush Your Teeth—Grief and Hope in Real Time, Lisa shares with raw honesty the story of losing her youngest son Chandler and reminds us that hope and joy are possible, even after the greatest heartache and loss.

OTHER BLOG POSTS AND/OR PODCAST EPISODES ON THIS TOPIC:
*A Deep Dive of the Soul After Child Loss, with Bridgett Dunbar: https://alifeofthrive.com/2024/07/03/a-deep-dive-of-the-soul-after-child-loss-stillbirth-with-bridgett-dunbar/
*Finding Peace and Comfort After the Death of Her Son, with Alicia Hodges: https://alifeofthrive.com/2023/08/30/finding-peace-and-comfort-after-the-death-of-her-son-alicia-hodges/
*Surviving Grief and the Death of Her Daughter, with Carole Sluski: https://alifeofthrive.com/2023/03/15/surviving-grief-and-the-death-of-her-daughter-with-carol/
*Hope Reger and The Death of Her Son: https://alifeofthrive.com/2021/12/22/hope/

LISA MENTIONED THESE BOOKS:
Lisa spoke of 3 books that she found great comfort in. You can find these books on Amazon and many other sites that sell books.
(I do not get any compensation should you purchase):
Healing after Loss by Martha Hickman
Lament for a Son by Nicholas Wolterstorff
The Choice, by Edith Eger

Widowhood is Not Your Final Chapter, with Liz Fiedler Mergen

PODCAST INTRO:
I enjoyed my time with guest, Liz Fiedler Mergen. She’s a remarried widow, mother of 2 daughters and has a multi-layered business strategy that encompasses several businesses. To me, it is all rooted and balanced with her fearless entrepreneurial creativity.

Liz and I agree that grief changes you in countless ways and as much as we may want things to go back to the way they were, they never will. How can they? We’ve lost a significant portion of our life.

Liz and her first husband, Ryan met when she was 22, fell in love and married in 2014. They wanted a family and were blessed with their first daughter. But sadly, they would only have 6 1/2 years together. Ryan, at 39 years of age unexpectedly passed away at home, alone on his treadmill.

To add more trauma to her shattered heart, Liz discovers that she’s pregnant one day after Ryan’s funeral. Not traumatized over being pregnant, but heartbroken that Ryan will never meet his daughter, nor will she meet her daddy and being a single parent was never in her life plans.

One of the significant motivators of transformation for Liz was the realization that she could stay bitter or get better. She chose, get better. She engaged the hard questions, evaluated the cost of living angry and despite the pain, she pushed forward to discover that she isn’t afraid to draw new boundaries, set new standards and start new businesses. She’s exploring life, options, opportunities and breaking ground (personally/professionally) in countless ways.

Liz has an encouraging perspective on finding her way through the pain, embracing new revelations of who she is as she grows through the various challenges and pain points with personal discoveries in all the many facets of her life.

Listen in to find out that widowhood is not the final chapter in her story, my your story and even your story.

Liz’s example gives us the courage to discover that there is even more to life because God is the author of our stories. He always has a plan and fulfilling your purpose has only begun.

You’ve heard me say many times before…keep your eyes on God because He’s writing a much bigger love story, an overarching love story with you as the unique person He created you to be and Liz, with the life she is choosing to cultivate is a beautiful example of that.

Let’s listen in and be encouraged today!

Live Loved and Thrive! @alifeofthrive.com
Sherrie Pilk

Here are some additional podcast episodes and/or blogs that pertain to finding God in our pain:
Widows, Grief and Finding Hope, with Anne-Marie Lockyer: https://alifeofthrive.com/2024/02/14/widows-grief-and-finding-hope-with-anne-marie-lockmyer/
Widower, Daniel Doolan Shares His Story of Love and Loss: https://alifeofthrive.com/2022/12/21/widower-daniel-doolan-shares-his-story-on-love-and-loss/
Widows and Financial Preparedness - Gayle O’Brien Blachura, CFP: https://alifeofthrive.com/2022/09/28/widows-and-financial-preparedness-gayle-blachura-cfp/

CONNECT WITH LIZ:
Website: https://www.lizfiedlermergen.com/
Podcast w/Apple link: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/flower-farmer-forum/id1674239699
Book Coming in March of 2026 - Learn more here: https://www.lizfiedlermergen.com/author
IG: lizfiedlermergen
FB: https://www.facebook.com/elizabeth.weber.545

BIO:
After six years of marriage, two days after our only daughter’s birthday, I lost my husband. The day after his funeral, I found out I was pregnant again. 

Widowed and pregnant at 31 years old, I spent the first six months in a state of rage and anger, continuously growing more upset when people treated me like either a fragile flower or a bomb about to explode. After months of therapy, I learned to focus on the intention behind people’s words rather than get upset when they didn’t approach a situation how I wanted them to. Grief can be isolating, but we grievers can’t shut out everyone who says or does the “wrong thing”. One day, I decided to focus on the intention behind the sometimes poorly delivered sentiments because I realized if I ended every relationship when someone said the wrong thing, I would not have any friends left. I was glad they did not know what I was going through.

Every day I wake up and say to myself, "I'm not going to waste the day being angry. That's not fair to Josh." It takes so much work. I know that anger is a normal part of grief. I can't control the way the world treats grievers, but I can control how I respond.

My podcast, instagram account, book club, and other resources are all devoted to helping it be easier for others to grow through grief.

Loving Jesus and Your LGBTQ Child, with Kim Stilp

SUMMARY:
The Challenge of Understanding - Kim and I acknowledge and discuss, that many Christians (me included) struggle to truly love like Jesus without feeling like they're compromising biblical truth with regard to the LGBTQ community, and Kim shares her journey with her LGBTQ child. It’s a genuine complexity to understand how to find balance and Kim sets the marker at the foot of the cross.

Judgment vs. Discernment - Parts of the conversation focuses on the difference between judgment and discernment. Kim stresses the importance of building relationships and understanding individual stories because we can’t expect to be heard if we don’t first invest, aka listen.

The Role of the Church - The conversation touches on the importance of allowing space for questions and struggles without fear of judgment or ostracism. Invite difficult conversations and differing viewpoints for the purpose of discovering and revealing God’s truths and His heart about the matter for both the one struggling with identity issues as well as the believer who may have a heart posture that God wants to bring a deeper revelation that aligns with His truth, love, character and nature.

Embracing Both Faith and Love - As Kim reveals, it's possible to hold onto faith while loving an LGBTQ child. Kim emphasizes that understanding doesn't mean affirming every choice but involves listening, empathizing, and walking alongside them.

Tools and Resources - Kim's journey led to the creation of resources like "Pride and Promises," aimed at helping families navigate these complex dynamics.

Final Reflections - The conversation ends with a powerful reminder of God's scandalous grace — a grace that doesn't discriminate and a love that is unwavering. Kim's story is a testament to the transformative power of love and the importance of reflecting Christ's love in all interactions. We can lay down the weight of judgement, which enables us to share God’s truths without feeling responsible for the outcome and relax in the knowledge that the Holy Spirit is qualified to do His work.

In navigating these challenging waters, may we all strive to embody the empathy, compassion, and love that Kim so beautifully advocates for.

PODCAST INTRO:
My guest is Kim Stlip and she is the founder of Pride and Promises, a beautiful ministry she created that equips believers to hold on to their Christian faith and their LGBTQ+ kids. But I want any parent listening to know, no matter how your child identifies you’ll find great wisdom in the biblical discernment that Kim shares.

Kim doesn’t have any 3 letter adjectives behind her name or lofty degrees that declare her worthy but she is a mom with the courage to stand in the gap between God’s truth in the holy scriptures and God’s heart for humankind. Kim is motivated by the fact that many Christians struggle to truly love like Jesus without feeling like they're compromising biblical truth.

When I think about the phrase of investing blood sweat and tears, surely Kim’s picture is next to that description…actually, any mom who has been willing to be the punching bag (my words not Kims) for truth in the very context of a broken world and their children trying to find their way in it.

I want to share my personal take away from our conversation because I could really relate to every bit of the relationship aspect of our conversation and relationships beyond my children. I do not have children who struggle with same sex attraction but relationship (across the board) is hard, complicated and layered.

I used to think that the hardest part of raising children was when they were young and I was trying to bend their will to the things that would bring them reward, benefit, health. In my heart I was trying to equip my sons to contribute to the world in meaningful, purposeful ways. But no one told me it would be more difficult when they were adults and you have to watch them struggle with the complexities of life as it gets weightier and responsibility after responsibility is added to their years.

Here’s a quote from Kim “And the hard part is when we hold on so tightly to our right and your wrong, and we don't take one another's stories with empathy, then that's where we hold our fist up and we don't end up coming back together. And so you always diffuse anger with empathy and understanding. And truly, anger is almost always love disappointed.” That my friend hit me in the heart.

I had a powerful reminder of the finished work of the cross when Kim brought us back to the cross….and it always comes down to this for any human being (and not just in the context of this topic, it’s all of humanity)….if the opportunity to have direct access to God again was going to be a possibility then it was necessary for Christ to go to the cross. For me, my sins. Imagine yourself as the only person alive and Christ goes to the cross for you.

He endured the horrific process of crucifixion, the bloody, beaten beyond recognition, publicly stripped naked, disfigured in every way; and I’ve read some commentary that pointed out you would not have been able to tell if he was male of female. 

When Christ hung on the cross He had no guarantee that any of us would choose Him. Now, God knows our heart, the condition/character/nature and because of that He knows which one of us will choose Him but that does not negate the fact that our gift of choice is still a real thing.

He doesn’t man-handle our gift of choice. There’s enough evil in the world to see that He does not intervene with our ability to choose. In other words, He doesn’t remove that ability because we refuse to use it in a responsible, wise, healthy way but it is worth remembering He is capable of healing anything this broken world does to us via other peoples choices or the places we find ourselves in because of our own choices.

Kim has such courage to have this delicate conversation pointing out that the core of where the conversation should be grounded is in the person of Christ versus where the church and most people, myself included focus on, and that is sexuality. I get it though, the world has made it a sexual issue but as believers we’re to look through the lens of God’s heart at the world around us.

And that’s what Kim does at Pride and Promises. A wealth of information that is honest, straightforward biblical truth and presented with the same compassion that Christ provided for each and every one of us on the cross. As Kim and I agreed, at the foot of the cross is level ground for sinners.

When you hear Kim’s heart behind her encouraging message, I hope that you have breakthrough in your personal life and personal relationships on every level. All of what she shares can be applied to any relationship we can experience because again, our conversations and heart motive should be grounded in the person of Christ.

Let’s get into the beauty, the hope, and the heart of God by listening to what Kim has to share!

Live Loved and Thrive! @alifeofthrive.com
Sherrie Pilk

Other Episodes and Blogs that pertain to this subject of God meeting us in broken places:
-Joining Jesus Christ In His Pursuit of Your LGBTQ Identified Child, with Melinda Patrick: https://alifeofthrive.com/2024/08/28/joining-jesus-christ-in-his-pursuit-of-your-lbgtq-identified-child/
-No Longer in Bondage to Sexual Addiction, with Logan Hufford: https://alifeofthrive.com/2024/07/17/sexual-addiction/
-Christian Mom Whose Child has Same-Sex Attraction, with Melinda Patrick: https://alifeofthrive.com/2021/05/16/same-sex-attraction/
-A Porn Free Marriage is Possible, with Rosie MaKinney: https://alifeofthrive.com/2022/05/11/porn-free/

Connect with Kim:
Website: https://www.prideandpromises.com/
Free Resource - 31 Conversation Starters to engage your child after they come out: https://www.prideandpromises.com/conversation-starters
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61569053302851
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/prideandpromises/

Kim's Bio:
My sweet spot has always been in coaching and mentoring young women, moms and wives, offering encouragement and guidance through everyday life and its challenges.

Driven by a profound dedication to my family, a gratitude for people, and a love for the one-anothers, my heart is to encourage other families in navigating the tangled up circumstances that don’t have linear solutions. We haven’t done it perfectly…read the blogs.
 
My favorite people are my husband, Pete, our son & two daughters, and the guys they took the names of and brought into our family. Beyond treasuring my family, I’m a curriculum and freelance writer, ministry volunteer, and fellow encourager.

Faith is the Anchor in the Storms of Grief, with Dr. Amanda McNeil

SUMMARY:

- The conversation centers around grief, faith, and healing, featuring Dr. Amanda McNeil, an associate pastor and counselor.

- Amanda shares her journey, raised in a blended family and losing her father as a teenager, impacting her deeply and leading her to her current path.

- She speaks on the intersection of the Bible and science in understanding grief, discussing her book, "Overcoming the Overcast: Navigating the Storms of Life with God."

- The dialogue explores the concept of grief as a journey that can coexist with hope, emphasizing the importance of community and support.

- They discuss the role of childhood perceptions and shame in shaping adult grief experiences, highlighting the need for honest engagement with personal stories.

- The transformative power of God in grief is emphasized, with insights into how God’s presence can provide comfort and healing.

- Amanda stresses the importance of allowing oneself to feel both joy and grief simultaneously, a duality that can aid in healing.

- The discussion touches on identity shifts due to grief and how the church can better support those suffering.

- Amanda’s book serves as a practical guide combining scripture, neuroscience, and personal insights to help navigate grief.

- The conversation concludes with the notion that despite the storms of grief, the constant presence of God offers hope and healing.

 

PODCAST INTRO:

Grief is a universal experience. As I’ve often shared with you, there are many types of grief so if you’re listening today and you haven’t lost a significant person but you’ve been separated from something that you held near and dear to your heart then you’ll be able to apply what Dr. McNeil shares in this message to your pain/your life. I say Dr. McNeil because she’s certainly earned her credentials but I found her to be so down to earth I caught myself addressing her as Amanda.

Dr. Amanda McNeil, is mom, wife, counselor, pastor, speaker, and an author and I’ll share a little bit about her most recent book in just a minute.

A Personal Journey of Grief and Faith

Her journey with grief began at a young age after unexpectedly losing her father. And this personal tragedy began to shape her path, leading her to become a strong voice and advocate for those who grieve.

The Interplay of Grief, Mental Health, and Faith

During our discussion, Amanda highlighted how grief impacts mental health and how both the Bible and science provide insights into navigating this difficult journey. She emphasized the importance of understanding how grief can be traced through family history and how it affects us on multiple levels—emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

Story Work and Healing

Amanda advocates for engaging in "story work" to process grief. This involves reflecting on our life experiences and understanding the narratives we've formed, often from childhood. By doing story work, we can identify and challenge lie-based beliefs that might be rooted in shame or guilt. The purpose for bringing those emotions to the surface is because now you have a target to work with in regard to healing and wholeness.

Joy and Grief Can Coexist

A common struggle in grief is reconciling moments of joy with the pain of loss. Dr. McNeil reassures us that experiencing joy does not betray our grief or love that was attached to our loss. Instead, it is part of the healing process, allowing us to live fully even amidst sorrow.

Overcoming the Overcast

As mentioned she’s an author and her latest book titled "Overcoming the Overcast: Navigating the Storms of Life with God," is her book that she describes as a “love letter” to those experiencing loss. It combines scripture, neuroscience, and counseling principles to provide a practical guide for navigating grief. She emphasizes that, like a storm, grief can feel overwhelming, but the "Son of God is still shining" above the clouds, offering hope and healing.

Final Thoughts

Grief is a complex journey, and faith can provide a powerful anchor. Whether through scripture, community, or personal reflection, finding ways to navigate grief with hope and resilience is crucial. Dr. Amanda’s insights remind us that while loss may be a part of our story, it does not define the entirety of our lives.

If you’re in need of encouragement and hope today, listen in to receive the wisdom and guidance that Dr. McNeil offers those who are navigating the storms of grief and loss.

Lived Loved and Thrive! @ALifeOfThrive.com
Sherrie

 

EPISODES AND/OR BLOGS ASSOCIATED WITH THIS TOPIC:
- Widows, Grief and Finding Hope, with Anne-Marie Lockyer: https://alifeofthrive.com/2024/02/14/widows-grief-and-finding-hope-with-anne-marie-lockmyer/
- Pet Loss and Grief, with Pet Loss Grief Companion, Rachel Shirley: https://alifeofthrive.com/2024/05/08/pet-loss/
- Joy in the Midst of Grief, with Author, Sonya Mack: https://alifeofthrive.com/2024/05/08/pet-loss/
- Finding Peace and Comfort After the Death of Her son, with Alicia Hodges: https://alifeofthrive.com/2023/08/30/finding-peace-and-comfort-after-the-death-of-her-son-alicia-hodges/
- Scars (blog post by Sherrie Pilkington): https://alifeofthrive.com/2021/12/28/scars/
- It’s Always Been You (blog post by Sherrie Pilkington): https://alifeofthrive.com/2021/08/24/its-always-been-you/
- Suffering (blog post by Sherrie Pilkington): https://alifeofthrive.com/2021/09/21/suffering/

 

CONNECT WITH DR. AMANDA MCNEIL:
- Website: https://www.amandacmcneil.com/
- Free Chapter to her newest book: https://www.amandacmcneil.com/free
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amandacmcneil/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/McNeilCoaching/
- Coaching with the McNeils: https://www.mcneilcoaching.com/

 

Bio:
After losing her father tragically as a teen and later navigating infertility, Amanda learned how to lean into faith and has developed an authoritative voice of hope. Dr. Amanda McNeil is an author, counselor, and pastor from Orlando, FL.

She is an expert in leadership coaching, and both premarital and grief counseling. Her first book released November 2024 as a #1 New Release on Amazon for the Christian Counseling and the Death, Grief, & Spirituality categories.

She is an international speaker for leadership and mental health conferences and the cofounder of McNeil Coaching alongside her husband, Justin. She is a miracle mom and is mid at pickleball and is proudly millennial picking an oat milk latte over any other type of coffee.

Navigating Treatment-Resistant Depression, with Ron Jones

Summary:
*Ron Jones discusses treatment resistant depression (TRD), which occurs when multiple classes of antidepressant medications fail to provide relief.
*TRD is described as a subcategory of major depressive disorder, unrelated to therapy but linked to the ineffectiveness of psychotropic medications.
*Ron shares his personal experience with TRD, highlighting the frustration and discouragement of ineffective treatments and the lengthy process of testing medications.
*He suggests that emotional and mental needs, when unmet, can lead to chemical imbalances, and treating only the symptoms without addressing underlying issues is insufficient.
*Jones emphasizes the importance of understanding one's identity in relation to God, suggesting that misalignment can contribute to mental health issues.
*He recounts a pivotal moment in a church service where he felt the Holy Spirit's guidance, leading to a significant change in his depression.
*Jones discusses the role of community, vulnerability, and addressing lies or misconceptions about oneself as crucial steps in the healing process.
*He advocates for the recognition of negative emotions as truthful indicators and encourages seeking the Holy Spirit's guidance for healing.
*Jones stresses the importance of relational accountability and having supportive people in one's life to provide honest feedback.
*He concludes by affirming the possibility of finding hope and new life even after experiencing deep depression, through a relationship with Christ and understanding one's true identity.

PODCAST INTRO:
My guest today, Ron Jones, is a pastoral counselor and mental health advocate and he stopped by to share his first-hand experiences and insights into his victory over treatment-resistant depression (TRD). This discussion touches on the complexities of living with TRD, the challenges of traditional treatment methods, and the importance of having a strong identity in Christ and growing in faith throughout the healing process.

What is Treatment-Resistant Depression?

Treatment-resistant depression is a severe form of major depressive disorder. Ron explained that clinically, it is defined as depression that does not respond to at least three different classes of antidepressant medications. Ron also shared that this condition is not merely about resistance to therapy but is specifically linked to the ineffectiveness of psychotropic medicines.

The Struggle with Traditional Treatments

Ron describes the frustration of navigating the medical system, which often prioritizes treating symptoms over addressing root causes. He likens the process to taking aspirin for a headache without investigating the underlying cause. He even pointed out that this approach can be disheartening, especially when medications take weeks to show results, if at all.

A Journey of Identity and Faith

Throughout his journey, Ron emphasizes the importance of understanding one's true identity. He believes that much of mental illness stems from a misalignment between who we are and who we perceive ourselves to be.

For Ron, this journey of self-discovery was deeply intertwined with his faith, which provided a foundation and a source of hope. This foundation withstood 13 years of struggling AND also provided room for growth and intimacy with Christ as he searched how to get out from under his depression. As shared in then opening clip….Ron was desperately clinging to hope God and yet had no hope.

Steps Toward Healing

Ron offered practical steps for those struggling with depression:

Evaluate Your "Have To's": Examine the non-negotiables in your life that might be contributing to your stress and consider whether they are truly necessary.

Identify Primary Lies: Reflect on the negative emotions you feel most often and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the first time you felt this way.

Listen for the Holy Spirit: Spend time in silence, asking the Holy Spirit, "What's We most important thing I could hear right now?" and be open to whatever answer comes without editing it.

Something I added, only because I have to do this: when I’m seeking God for an answer I have learned that I need to write it down. It is very commen for me to forget the details of what He spoke into my spirit. If you want to add a #4: Write down what you hear the Holy Spirit speak into your spirit and refer to it as often as you need to.

Conclusion

Ron’s story gives us a deeper revelation about Treatment Resistant Depression because it’s from his personal experience; his 13 year battle to find relief. His faith, community, and self-reflection was instrumental in overcoming his TRD. While traditional treatments may fall short mainly because they’re go to is to fix things with medicine vs looking at a more holistic approach that would include a deep dive into one’s identity. So Ron's journey offers hope and encouragement to those facing similar struggles, reminding us that there is always a path to discovering the benefits of knowing the truth and having a stronger identity.

Live Loved and Thrive! @alifeofthrive.com
Sherrie Pilk

With regard to the acronyms you’ll hear Ron use, here is what they stand for (this info is more current than the audio intro to this podcast episode):
SSRIs - (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors) are a class of antidepressants that help treat depression
Sozo is a practice/method used by some Christian ministries to describe their approach to inner healing, which focuses on restoring broken relationships with God and healing past trauma (for more info check out sozo.org) 
SNRIs - Serotonin-Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitors
PCP - Primary Care Physician
BPD - Borderline Personality Disorder

Resources along the same topic:
Unrelenting Pain Known as The Suicide Disease (CRPS), with Darci Steiner -  https://alifeofthrive.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=9563&action=edit
Autoimmune Disease, Pulmonary Fibrosis and Faith, with Sara Salazar - https://alifeofthrive.com/2021/09/01/autoimmune-disease/
Hope in the Midst of Chronic Illness, with Sara Willoughby - https://alifeofthrive.com/2025/01/01/hope-in-the-midst-of-chronic-illness-with-sara-willoughby/

Connect with Ron:
Ron’s podcast w/his friend (Nick): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ron-and-nicks-best-friend-podcast/id1599899345

Amazon link to Ron’s most recent book - The Little Book of Forgiveness - The Pathway to Freedom: https://www.amazon.com/Little-Book-Forgiveness-pathway-freedom/dp/B0DYNXWKBW/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&dib_tag=se&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.oljVyfzmkcvd-tRRqhc8qzcDCCeB-vKQpdasKmcPpGyLFkFehAMYradfiTGZARL3MVN6ar_YRewiXpEMrwt-ig.0u01g9j57uS-UD4NfXgrNw4IxQKkAQYxAoW0rJG8AV0&qid=1743803194&sr=8-1

Ron’s Bio:
R. Kenward Jones is a disruptive teacher, writer, podcaster (who isn’t these days?), counselor, husband, father and grandfather.  He holds a bachelor’s degree in mechanical engineering and master’s degrees in biblical studies and counseling. 

His debut novel, Buried at Sea, was published by Penmore Press in 2022.  Daily, he writes proverbs, parables and prayers and shares them on his Facebook page and website to inspire and encourage.

R. Kenward Jones is a US Navy veteran and served as both an enlisted man and officer for 12 years before he left the military to become a pastor.  After a 13-year long bout with treatment resistant depression he left the ministry to reset his life.  He knows the Valley of the Shadow of Death and the power of personal Creativity as the way through it and out of it.

Currently he works as a counselor and teaches the 515A “zero excuses” bootcamp at the local YMCA.  He and Tina, his high school sweetheart, have been married for 40 years, have two children and one grandchild, and live in Southeastern Virginia although they still consider the Shenandoah Valley to be their “home.” 

R. Kenward Jones enjoys life and joy tempered by suffering and more than anything wants to help other sufferers experience the same.