Finding God in Our Pain

Making Marriage Healthy, with Marriage Counselor, Leslie Davis

My guest Leslie Davis, is a founder (along with her husband) of HeartCall Ministries and it’s because of the way God has blessed their marriage that makes Leslie passionate about seeing marriages healed and strengthened through the truth of God's Word. Their marriage is proof that you can have a solid, godly, blessed, rewarding marriage. 

Leslie and I talked about how marriage is simply two broken people bringing out the brokenness in each other but Leslie said something that I cannot ever remember considering it quite like she shared. Granted, I’ve been a widow now for a little over 5.5 years so maybe I’m just not remembering.

She said, “A lot of times God will use the marriage relationship to provide healing for those broken places.” I don’t recall considering conflict in my marriage, as an opportunity to heal. Although, in hindsight it was times of frustration and feeling at my wits end in my marriage that caused me to seek my own personal healing.

When I think about it, that’s so like God. He knows marriage is gong to bring our brokenness to the surface. He knows we’re going to challenge each other and it’s going to trigger all the areas where we need healing and He’s fine with that. He’s fine with it because in the process He’s asking us to give that painful place, that brokenness to Him so He can heal it. The sooner we give it to Him the sooner we get to walk in freedom.

God’s heart is to heal us in the here and now. To build our trust, to show us His faithfulness and ability to Shepherd us well. 

A significant distinction that Leslie made is looking at the difference of what it means to have a strong identity based on who we are IN Christ AND who we are TO Christ. So good. I can’t wait for you to hear that part.

We took a look at abuse, submission, obedience and humbling but it’s not the typical conversation that you may be used to hearing. Leslie believes that submission preached without including the importance of biblical leadership is not viable. Additionally, Leslie points to varying levels of trust between spouses and the fact that when the marriage vows (that were spoken between you and your spouse in front of witnesses) are broken then there’s some work that needs to be done.

Whether is was submission, obedience, humbleness, or abuse, no matter our topic, Leslie balances it with clarity, hope and God’s heart for us and for marriage.

I am confident that her message is going to encourage you to continue pursuing the heart of God and discovering His intention for marriage and the freedom He has for us as the individual He created you to be.

We can’t forget, that if we’ve professed the Son of God as our Lord and Savior, then He’s made a vow to us. He’ll never leave us nor forsake us especially in the painful places of life. 

I don’t want to delay any longer, let’s listen in so that we might get a glimpse of how to find God in our pain, specifically the broken places in marriage.

Live Loved and Thrive! @Alifeofthrive.com

Connect with Leslie:
Website
Counseling
Podcast
Resources
Facebook
Instagram

 

Bio:
Leslie is the co-host with her husband, Doug, of The Vision-Driven Marriage podcast. They currently work with couples who are experiencing the overwhelm of the whirlwind of life. She earned a Master of Science degree in counseling from Illinois State University in 2008 and a Bachelor of Science degree from Southern Illinois University in 1991. She has been trained as a certified Suicide Intervention Specialist and is a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors.

Leslie has been married to Doug for 34 years. Together they have four beautiful daughters and three sons-in-law. Four sweet little granddaughters call her Nana.  She likes to write, scrapbook, and has recently taken up watercolor painting. 

Transcript: https://www.happyscribe.com/transcriptions/463bf4a1bbd74ee6b8e335669e679edb/view

 

Set Free From the Lies We Believe About Ourselves, with Sue Corl

My guest Sue Corl is the Founder and Executive Director at Crown of Beauty International. Her childhood and young adult years were very difficult. She was born with a facial birth defect and from birth to 15 years of age most of those formative years were spent living with complications both physical and mental, from back to back corrective surgeries. 

But talking with Sue, listening to her life, hearing about her ministry, her husband and family, God has not wasted a single moment of pain and suffering and neither has Sue. In pursuit to rewrite the lies that she believed about herself, she has agreed with God on everything that He has to say about her, and the way that He loves her. Hence the birth of Crown of Beauty International. It is her passion to lead women to find freedom from the defeating lies that they think, feel, and live out in their personal lives. 

Sue travels all around the world and walks through every door God opens for her and she points the hearts of women to God’s truth and His deep love for them. Sue is amazing!

I want let you know that the thing that was supposed to keep your mouth shut, the thing that has you feeling guilt and shame, give it to God and He’ll transform it into an adventure you would have never thought to ask for nor could you imagine.  

We talked about so many things but a few of those that stuck out to me were, talking about how reading God’s word (the Bible), how it transforms you through the work of the Holy Spirit. Not just from a spiritual aspect. She talked about when the word is built upon and it begins to transform us little by little it also affects our posture, the way we walk, how we talk to people, the way we show up in places, roles, responsibilities. It reminded me of this, I’m not sure if you’ve ever experienced it but sometimes when you’re talking to someone you can see joy in their eyes, a light in some people’s eyes. Without fail, every time I dig a little deeper in conversation with them, sometimes asking point blank are you a Christian or a different faith based question I find out that they are indeed Christians. Seeing a light in their eyes makes complete sense to me because we are filled with the Light of the World.  

Because of Sue’s international travel she talked about how our negative self-image and negative internal dialog is seen all around the world, even including men. They’ve started a separate program for men. Hearing that, I asked her what is the common dominator. And of course you can always trace it back to the one who steals, kills and destroys us from the inside out. 

Ultimately, we believe varying degrees of lies about ourself. Anytime we believe a  lie and it goes unchecked, it is not in our favor. We will not fare well.  It can start out as a good thing but at some point it has the potential to tip into a lie. We can start out confident but then end up prideful, we can start out being kind and caring but we end up being a doormat.

So I had to ask her this question, how do we keep our life in balance? Sue’s response? By consistently, exposing our way of thinking to God’s truths. Challenge the triggers in our life by allowing God room to speak into those places. In doing so He’ll expose the lies for us. The best part is that He downloads His truth so that if we choose, we can rewrite what we thought was truth with the real thing, God’s truth AND His love. I saw a quote from Billy Graham “ Most of all let the Word of God fill you and renew your mind every day. When your minds are on Christ, Satan has little room to maneuver.” 

If you’ve been listening to several of my past podcast episodes on the healing ministry here’s something that Sue shared that lined right up with how God made us mind, body, soul, spirit, it’s all meshed together. Sue has been studying the brain and unforgiveness. She’s been reading medical materials etc. and she shares that through medical science she discovered that unforgiveness is now considered a disease because it has the same impact on your body as a disease. So, that of course reminds me of the Bible verse Proverbs 14:30 (NLT), A peaceful heart leads to a healthy body; jealousy (in my opinion a form of unforgiveness) is like cancer (a disease) to the bones. (My emphasis added)

Let me wrap up with this and we’ll get started. Our transformation from bondage, and I don’t care what area or form of bondage you’re in, but going from bondage to freedom it’s going to require our participation. An active engagement not only pursuing God for truth but putting it to work in our life. Taking part in our transformation has to do with interrupting negative thoughts or beliefs by using God’s promises, His truths to rewrite the lies we believe, and Sue says, it takes intentional work to create new neuro pathways that change our brain and therefore change the course of our life. 

God is inviting us to discover Him in the healing process and He’s created our body to be successful at overcoming the obstacles of this life. So let’s listen in and see how and where we can find God meeting us in our pain with solutions, transformation and redemption.

Live Loved and Thrive! @alifeofthrive.com

 

Bio:
Crown of Beauty International founder, Sue Corl, was born with a severe cleft palate, without a nose, upper lip, or palate. During the first 15 years of her life, Sue underwent 26 major operations. As a child, she heard lies about her physical appearance and struggled emotionally with her self-worth. In her late twenties, she began the journey of emotional healing as she opened God’s Word and discovered the truths of who she is: fearfully and wonderfully made and an image bearer of God.

Her personal story inspired her to begin Crown of Beauty International to help women around the world to experience the same freedom from lies, shame, and strongholds that God provided for her.

Sue is an international women’s conference speaker, author, mentor, and Bible teacher, and served 25 years as a missionary in Asia. Her greatest joy is being a wife and mother of two adult children. She has a passion to see women set free by receiving the love of God and living out their potential in the powerful truth of who they are in Christ.

Connect with Sue:
https://www.CrownofBeautyInternational.com

Get Rid of Guilt and Shame, with Sherrie Pilkington

I’m so glad you’re here today because it could mean we are a lot alike in that we struggle with letting go of guilt and shame. It does the heart good, or at least it does my heart good to know that I’m not the only one struggling with this.

I wanted to share this sweet reminder, that the Lord gave me. I love when the truth of what I know about God sinks in a little bit deeper into my heart. In this case it broke off some pride I had about forgiveness and not the forgiveness we typically think of first, that of forgiving others. This was about forgiving myself.

I almost want to ask you to listen to this episode at a time when things are quiet and you’re in a personal space so that you can actively respond to what a share but I know that everyone has a very busy life and therefore that’s a hard request.

Whether you listen now or whether you use my suggestion later to process with God, I’m hoping to create an opportunity for you to hear God’s voice because I’m thinking you’re like me in that you already know the truth of God’s forgiveness and yet we still beat ourself up with guilt and shame. This proves there is some value in digging a little deeper, or simply lingering a little longer with focused concentration to discover freedom when it comes to forgiving ourself.

Again, the quiet space is not mandatory because I was driving down the road when God spoke into my spirit. The sweetness of the Lord had me in tears. I don’t want anything to happen to you should you be driving. Maybe pull over if the love of the Lord comes over you like it did me.

What I have to share today will keep pointing us back to the cross, something you may feel is a bit overdone. Not overdone with the reverence we have for the cross but possibly overdone with regard to how familiar you are with the message of the cross. Stay with me please because I can’t get to where I want to take us without going to the cross. And to be honest, as Christians it is always about the cross. It is the core of our faith. It’s what makes our faith different. The fact that we have a relationship with the Living God. An alive, active, engaged relationship. We can know our God and hear His voice.

There is the potential that some parts of what I’m going to delve into might feel a little abrasive because when God revealed my pride to me in the context of forgiving myself I hadn’t thought of it as pride. Additionally, I’m well aware that when people get too close to the things that we are sensitive about it feels judgmental but when God exposes us He does it in love and He’s inviting us into deeper relationship, where trust (in Him) is matured.

I want this message to be done in love so that is why I’ll be pointing you to God to have your conversation with Him. I want Him to reveal what He wants to set you free from. My goal is not to add condemnation to this conversation. That is satan’s speciality. God convicts but He never condemns, two different things. I want this conversation to be done in the same gentle, kind way that God did it for me. He didn’t call me out to embarrass me. He gently exposed my pride in order to set me free from it. It’s times like that when He takes us back to the cross, not to harm us, but to heal us.

I’m going to prompt you with an exercise and it’s based on the times when the devil tries to drag us back to a place that reminds us of our shame, guilt and regret.

I’ve worked through a lot of childhood trauma. I think everybody’s pretty clear on the fact that our family of origin sets the pace for our adult life and so it impacts our decisions. Those experiences help craft the lens through which we see people and the world. We make a lot of assumptions because our experiences do not have a full understanding so now we’re dealing with lies we believe, and it all creates the value system we live by.

Because no family, no person, no relationship is perfect and sinless, this gives satan plenty of opportunity to try and take us back to painful memories or experiences. We can all find ourselves in these familiar places of thinking defeating thoughts because satan has his successful patterns that he runs on us. It will always be his goal to to steal the truth of God’s word, because in truth there is freedom. Satan wants to kill our hope, faith, love, our relationships and at the very least destroy us from the inside out.

In times when a situation activates one of our coping skills or in any way that we’ve created a self protection method, let it be an instant signal for us that God wants to engage our heart about what we’re feeling. He’d love to hear your heart and be given the opportunity to speak His truth into whatever it is we’re believing to be true. In moments like that, meet Him at the cross. The place where He won the full victory over all of life’s failures and brokenness.

The things that primarily cause us guilt and shame are structured around something that we’ve done, that we’re responsible for. Our actions, our decisions, and our choices have brought us shame and regret. If we’ve repented for our sins then we can have assurance that we’re forgiven (because of the cross) and yet we play the shameful memory of our actions over and over in our mind and in our heart. It’s in this context of forgiven yet unable to let go that I want to create an opportunity for you to take a fresh look at the cross and reconsider something about God’s heart for you.

And real quick allow me to take a detour because I don’t want to overlook this aspect of guilt and shame. With regard to feeling shame or guilt, I’m not referring to times when someone has violated/victimized you. If you’re living with guilt and shame because you feel that what happened to you is somehow your fault, this message does not apply to your situation.

I’ll be talking about choices that we make and are solely responsible.

If you find yourself dealing with guilt and shame over something someone did to you, there is a measure of trauma healing that needs to take place because you’re not responsible for the actions of another person. In short, you can’t own another person’s choices.

While you are not responsible for what happened to you, if there is any responsibility to be had on your part it would taking responsibility to flip the script on satan. Make every effort to find the healing you need. Make life giving decisions to get what you need and don’t stop until you are free.

Just so I don’t drop you off cold in the middle of this episode, if you have a few minutes, disengage from your immediate To Do List and recline in the Lord, rest with Him. Just receive from Him. If you want to engage God, ask Him, Lord what step do you want me to take next so that I can process the guilt and shame I feel? Who do I need to talk to in order to find healing from these thoughts that are eating away at me on the inside.

Also, I will put links in the show notes for a few past episodes and in a couple of weeks there is another one coming out on October 20th. These episodes all take a look at the various healing ministries available to believers. My guest Eileen Love and I talked about Emotion Code Healing - it was broken into 2 parts (Part 1 & Part 2). There’s an episode on the Deliverance Ministry Healing with Karen King. Additionally, the episode on October 20th is on the Healing Prayer ministry with Frank Meadows. So remember to come back on or after the 20th to find that one.

Coming back to our topic at hand, overcoming the guilt and shame that is based on our decisions and choices. Specifically the situation where we’ve repented for our sins but we are not able to forgive ourselves. Here’s a suggestion, my intended exercise on how to engage the Lord:

Find a place where you can be real with God. Intentionally invite him into your space, ask him to protect the conversation that you’ll be having with him. He’ll command His army to position themselves in the atmosphere so that you can say whatever is on your heart. God is going to protect your vulnerability. He never asks for a perfect conversation, He asks for a genuine one.

Once you’ve intentionally invited God into your space and He has secured the atmosphere I want you to bring to the forefront of your mind the thing that taunts you with guilt and shame. Expose it by speaking it out loud to the Lord. Father, every time this thing (tell him what the thing is not because He doesn’t know but He will only work on what you’re willing to give Him. He will not force anything from you or on you). Father, every time this comes to mind I block it out. I feel disgusted…whatever it is you feel, think, believe etc., talk to God.

Today could possibly be the first time that you’ve actually verbalized it. Maybe your shame and regret keeps you from talking about that thing that has left your heart battered and ragged, and exhausted. But you think about it. Your internal dialog beats you up over it when it surfaces.

Maybe you’ve been talking with God about it but you keep returning to it, like you’re still chained to it. Feeling like you have no control over it, no voice about it, no freedom from it? You just feel helpless to change it or make a difference.

You did what you did or maybe you didn’t do what you should have done. You said what you said or maybe you said nothing and you feel that you should have said something. Now you’re left with the emotional baggage, potentially physical ailments not to mention the mental battle. The good news? All that has the potential to change if you’re willing to be transparent with the Lord in the safety of the space He’s protecting you in.

Remember in Genesis 32 when God asked Jacob, “What is your name?” It was not that God didn’t know Jacob’s name but Jacob had a lot of trauma attached to his name. In Biblical times, a person’s name was part of their identity. Jacob’s name means deceiver and Jacob lived up to that. As a matter of fact, the reason Jacob is struggling with God in this verse is because he was getting ready to cross paths with his twin brother Esau and Jacob was responsible for not only stealing Esau’s birth right but Jacob also stole the final blessing from their father that rightfully belonged to Esau.

Jacob initially reaches out to Esau in an attempt to make peace with his brother. In response, he receives word that Esau is headed his way with 400 hundred of his men in tow. So now Jacob has come to God scared to death for his life and God asks Him, What is your name?

It might seem like a strange question in such a desperate situation. God wasn’t trying to shame Jacob. God was inviting Jacob into transparency, to be truthful with him. But why, you might ask? Because change only happens when we expose our fear, guilt, and shame. But not to just anyone but rather expose it to the One who defeated it. The One who can make a difference, the One who can turn it of your good. Guilt and shame left in the dark, bouncing off our heart and our mind, it only becomes bigger and bigger in our mind and emotions.

I can’t say this enough, when God calls us out of the dark places of our mind, he’s not trying to expose us for the purpose of embarrassment or to beat us down reminding us who the Almighty God is. Without authentic transparency we can’t connect to people. We’ll have a surface relationship at best. And let me just say here, not everyone is trustworthy with our pain so you should guard you heart in this area. But the God of the Holy Bible wants real, life giving, life breathing relationship with us. We can’t change what we don’t acknowledge. Change only happens when we expose our fears to the origin of truth, the fountain head of truth. Nothing stands against God’s truth.

Because God will not push Himself on us, He was inviting Jacob into deeper relationship. He was saying, son, will you get real with me about what you’re feeling/experiencing? Will you have the courage to expose your fear to me so that the thing you keep struggling with, that thing you keep running from, we can put on the table and we can talk about it and we can work through it together?

And Jesus says to us, my precious daughter, will you give that thing to me? Will you trust me with your pain? Daughter, do you believe that I love you and I have good things to give you in exchange for your nightmares?

When we take our pain to God and struggle well to discover His truths in the context of our deep questions He gives us the beauty of His presence and we are transformed by the revelation that accompanies His presence. Truth shows up every time God shows up and we don’t have to wait for the spirit to move we can invite Him in and initiate an intimate exchange. God honors our authentic struggle because He knows that it takes courage to be transparent with Him, to step beyond our human understanding and experiences and accept His invitation into intimacy.

So you’ve invited God into your space, and He has taken authority over the atmosphere, you’ve brought that thing into the Light of His presence and you’re letting anxiety flow out of your mouth. As you verbally process this brings a measure of release to your mind and body.

The next thing I want you to do is picture God with you. See His kind and caring manner. Maybe He’s holding your hands, looking into your eyes with gentle affection. Maybe He’s sitting at the table with you. I can guarantee you this, if he’s sitting at the table with you He’s sitting next to you and He’s got His arm around you.

In the safety and security of God, continue to purge your pain as long as you need to. Let Him know how you feel. What is your worst fear, your worst nightmare about that thing? Tell Him why you feel guilt and shame, or whatever emotion you feel. If you want, ask Him to show you where He was when this or that happened? He’s never left you so He was present.

He’s not afraid of anything you share. You won’t scare Him off. He won’t reject you. This space of transparency and pain all tangled together in what can feel like a terrifying mess, this is His speciality and I’ll tell you why. He doesn’t extravagantly attend to us knowing that He WILL heal us, He’s drawing us into the healing He’s ALREADY provided.

When we expose our fear and pain to him, healing and restoration begins not because a spontaneous healing happened in that He’s decided to now alleviate your guilt in that moment. But because you pursued Him in this context, it was engaged and therefore applied in that moment. It was already purchased on the cross you just hadn’t made it personal yet.

Whatever you admit, confess or reveal, all the emotion, regret, shame, it doesn’t have to be pretty, or nice or even godly. Real pain, deep pain is messy. After you’ve poured it all out and you’ve come to the end of yourself, I want you to hear your Father God’s voice. He’s calm, soft spoken, loving. He’s saying, my precious precious daughter, I’ll take that, and I’ll take that, and that too and give me that one. Give it all to me. Let it go. I’ve already settled these things. Let me show you.

Let Jesus lead you to the cross. Envision Christ scooping up all the emotion that you’ve been willing to expose and I want you to watch him lay your actions, choices, sins, onto His heart and then willingly lay on the wooden beams fashioned into a cross.

Bear with me, this is the familiar part that may feel a little overdone. But this time, make it personal by seeing it through the eyes of knowing Jesus is taking your place. See the roman soldiers drive an iron peg through his left hand, and an iron peg his right hand, then another iron peg through his feet. Watch as they hoist the pole into the air and drop the foot of the cross down into the hole in the ground. It hits hard and the iron pegs tear His flesh. They’ll pierce his side with a spear and the final drops of His atoning blood along with water, the living water of life, will spill onto the ground.

I’m not reminding you of this historical account because I want you to feel sorry for Him. This is not about pity. Jesus was not victimized in the manner of the Romans taking his life, He willingly laid down His life. I’m not telling you this to compound any guilt or shame because the truth is, we have no authority, no input, and no point of reference with regard to God’s plan on what the payment for sin will be and Jesus’ agreement on how it will be settled.

I’m reminding you of the cross because it’s always about the cross. It’s the intersection where God’s truth and provision meets man’s sin and human will.

This question may still be be lingering in the air, How do we move from the knowledge of forgiveness to embracing this as truth in our life? How do we make this our core belief and understanding so that we operate and do life from the place of being forgiven? How do we make the leap from knowing in our head that we’re forgiven to actually forgiving ourselves?

Maybe our inability to forgive ourselves is twisted up with the cross. And it’s the reason why we won’t let ourselves off the hook. Because the truth is, it should have been me. It should have been you. Paying for what we’ve done. That was our debt. Our burden, our guilt, our shame, our choices, our actions.

When it comes to realistically applying forgiveness, there is a portion of the process when we apply God’s truth every time guilt and shame comes up in our mind. We interrupt the thought with truth, not allowing our mind to start running wild. While that can seem robotic, God’s truth overwhelms every lie and is very effective.

The point of forgiveness that I’m trying to examine are the times where we’re checking all the Christian boxes of what makes a good Christian so that our good outweighs our bad. We’re doing all the right things. We’re praying, we’re fasting, we’re in church every Sunday all with the hope that we’ll get God’s approval and then He will supernaturally change the way we feel. I don’t want to deny the practical part of applying God’s word to our life, but what I want to dig down into is the pride part.

Could it be that we’ve put ourself on the cross? Let’s say we have. And yet we’re STILL struggling to extend forgiveness to ourselves. On the one hand, we can’t deny the truth of our guilt and on the other hand, somewhere down to the core of our DNA we also acknowledge that we are grossly under qualified (and that is putting it lightly) to carry the weight of the cross.

Whatever the reason is, I do know that pride can blind us. It did me. If we don’t humble our hearts we will find ourselves on the hamster wheel of guilt, shame, forgiveness, guilt, shame, forgiveness. It feels like a rat race but that’s simply the world’s value system. In God’s value system, it’s the intersection where God’s truth and provision meets man’s sin and human will.

I’m reminded of a story that’s been around as long as I can remember, I feel sure you’ve heard it. It’s about the man who worked at a bridge with railroad tracks. He was responsible for opening and shutting the bridge for both the boats and the train. He’d taken his little boy to work one day and the youngster was playing on the tracks. To the father’s surprise a train was approaching faster than he could get to his son but if he closed the bridge lowering the train track his son would be crushed. Not sure if it’s a true story or not but it goes on to say that the man made the excruciatingly heart shattering decision to save all the people and their families that were on the train and he lowered the tracks crushing his little boy. The people on that train would go on living their life, never knowing what the father sacrificed nor what the precious son had afforded them.

I often overlay that onto God’s Fatherly heart because some believers will never grasp the fullness of freedom that has been paid for them. Surely God’s heart must have broken because in the sin payment transaction God turned His face away from His beloved Son. Full payment for sin, the kind that saves us, translates to God the Father, being separated from His Son, Jesus.

Some believers will go on living their life, entangled in shame, regret, never embracing what God ordained and what the blood of the Son afforded them. They’ll maintain a distance between their head knowledge that God had a plan to pay their debt of sin and yet never embrace it in their heart what the precious son afforded them with His blood.

This whole message, this episode started when I was in my car, driving down the road, talking with God, the image of Christ on the cross making the just and final payment for my sin came to my mind. I’ve seen this picture countless times in books, and all kinds of preaching material but this time, my heart responded to the immense sacrifice, I made it personal. I saw the intimacy of what Jesus was doing for me and it softened my heart in a different way. The kindness of Jesus overwhelmed me. Kindness can seem like such a weak word in the scale of this particular context.

Romans 2:4 says, Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?

What had me weeping was being overwhelmed with the goodness and kindness of God even though I was in a place of pride, despising the riches of His kindness, forbearance and patience. I wasn’t letting the work of the cross, His Son’s blood be enough. I was making it about me.

I would not have made a direct connection with that way of thinking, none-the-less, it was playing out in my life, in my thought life. And when I saw how precious the Lord is to me even though I looked upon the cross with contempt/pride my heart become overwhelmed. If Jesus’ blood satisfied my sovereign, holy God, why was I being prideful still making it about me?

God hasn’t abandoned us at Friday on the Cross. He gave us the Sunday resurrection. Our God is alive. Jesus is alive. Living breathing, fresh perspectives, new beginnings, the God of do overs. That’s the power of the blood.

I’ve said a lot to bring us to this one point. It’s time to change our vision of the cross, our self imposed definition of what pays our debt. If you’re still in a strangle hold by your past I want to know, when you look up at the cross do you see Jesus on it or is it empty? Do you see Jesus’ work finished or unfinished?

If we haven’t allowed the blood to pay our debt we’re as good as a dead (wo)man. We’re physically alive but we’re mentally/emotionally 6 feet under.

And we’ll stay stuck in that type of mental grave until we soften our hearts, humbly admit that we’re not capable of paying our debt. Not now, not at our last breath, not at any time in between. Let’s take ourself off the cross. It’s not about us. Face it, we cannot pay for what we’ve have done or not done. We cannot fix what we said or did not say.

If you agree with the atoning blood of Jesus and His finished work on the cross, you have been acquitted. The final words of Christ on the cross apply to us. It. Is. Finished.

Tell your mind, YOU’RE FREE! Tell your heart, YOU’RE FREE! Tell your body, YOU’RE FREE!
We don’t have to wait for heaven to live in peace, joy, and freedom.

Give God, give Jesus, your praise and gratitude. Take a moment to let Him embrace you with His presence. Soften your heart toward His love, make Him personal in your heart and mind. And then do Him the best honor of all, let the world see God in you! Get out there and...

Live Loved and Thrive!

Get Rid of Guilt and Shame:

1. Invite God into a conversation. Ask Him to take control of the atmosphere.
2. Bring to the forefront of your mind the thing that still causes you guilt and shame.
3. Talk with God about how you feel. Give him all of your pain and questions - Purge all your beliefs that surround the pain.
4. Picture God with you, listening in a loving way. Ask Him, who do you want to be for me in this? What do you want me to know about You in this context of my guilt and shame?
5. Trust God with your pain. Tell God you do not despise His Son Jesus and the work of the cross. Lay your guilt and shame at the foot of the cross.
6. Break any agreement you have made with the lies you have believed about your guilt and shame.
7. Give God your praise and thanksgiving. It can be in tears, laughter, songs of worship, outright words of praise etc. in whatever way you want to worship Him and give Him His due honor.

RESOURCES:
Past Podcast Episodes:
Emotion Code with Eileen Love:
Part 1 - https://alifeofthrive.com/2023/06/07/emotion-code-therapy-part-1-with-eileen-love/
Part 2 - https://alifeofthrive.com/2023/06/22/emotion-code-therapy-with-eileen-love-part-2/
Deliverance Ministry with Karen King:
https://alifeofthrive.com/2023/09/13/finding-freedom-through-the-deliverance-ministry/
October 20, 2023 - I’ll add the link for the podcast on Healing Prayer Ministry with Frank Meadows. In the meantime you can check out his website: https://www.meadowshealingprayercenter.com/

Leaving a Cult/Christian Science, with Lauren Hunter

I can’t think of anyone who would intentionally sign away their freedoms to a dangerous sect or a toxic community, so how does one find themselves in this type of environment? After talking with my guest Lauren Hunter, who shares her story of leaving Christian Science, I realized that often, it comes down to a very simple unassuming entry.  

Christian Science was the faith of her family so Lauren was born into the teachings, practices and beliefs. Family is key. People find themselves in cults just like people join gangs or enter into relationships that end up being toxic because initially they feel like family and ultimately who doesn’t want to belong?

I’ve often said this, when we look at society as a whole, (our worries, fears, anxieties, or motivations to accept less than we are worthy of, when we allow people to violate our bodies and our minds etc.)we can peel away all the different choices that people use to cope and self protect and I personally believe that we can all be boiled down to one thing. We fear being alone.

I also think that our fear of being alone has to do with the way we were created. It’s in our DNA to seek relationship and yet nothing in this world will fully satisfy. Ultimately, our desire for relationship is to draw us to the One who created us. We were created for an intimate, real relationship with the living God. It was His original plan for us to dwell face to face with Him but when sin entered the Garden of Eden we were separated from Him. We’re left with the need, a deep desire to find home, to find God.

This desire to find the One who fills us is a beautiful gift from the Father because once we pass from here, our soul, the part of us that lives eternally will face one of two realities, heaven or hell. God has created in us the desire to know Him so that we might choose Him and therefore live eternally with Him. 

The thought of not spending eternity with God grieves His heart and so He gives us an innate desire to avoid being eternally alone (separated from love, joy, peace, a place where there is no pain, no tears etc.). It is the goodness and kindness of God to give us yet another way to seek Him and choose Him. That’s the heart of a Father, to give His children every opportunity to choose Him, to have another chance at eternity with Him.

Being heard, seen, loved, valued, not being alone is an incredibly powerful motivator for people to stay in destructive relationships be that faith based, dating, friendship, marriage, work etc.  

Lauren talks about the red flags that we need to be aware of. Granted we may not discern them at first because there is a conditioning, a soft build up to the actual abuse but some of the ones Lauren touched on were things like, the requirement to be obedient to the belief system, don’t question their authority, distrust outsiders, shoulder any burdens you experience, and undermining trust in yourself.

After you hear all that Lauren talks about in this conversation you’re going to want to get her book, Leaving Christian Science. She shares more of her personal story and includes 9 other people who share their experiences and why they too left the false faith. 

Each chapter addresses the various theological inconsistencies taught by Mary Baker Eddy, the Founder of Christian Science. Lauren and her guests compare Christian Science themes such as matter, Jesus Christ, contagion, prayer, and sin. Examining these inconsistencies provides a deeper understanding of the Christian faith that Lauren now pursues in freedom and truth.

Let’s get this conversation started. 

Live Loved and Thrive! @alifeofthrive.com

Connect with Lauren:
Website: laurenhunter.net
Amazon Book Page: https://amzn.to/32LKPRk
Facebook Author Page: https://www.facebook.com/laurenhunter.net/
Instagram: https://instagram.com/mamahunter100
Twitter: https://twitter.com/laurenhhunter
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/laurenhhunter/
Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/laurenhhunter/
Amazon Author Central: https://amazon.com/author/laurenhunter
NetGalley Widget Link to review copy: https://www.netgalley.com/catalog/book/203967
Goodreads Author Page: https://www.goodreads.com/lauren_hunter
BookBub Author Page: https://www.bookbub.com/profile/lauren-hunter

Bio:
Lauren Hunter is a writer who loves the big picture of God’s journey we are all on together. Raised in a fourth-generation family of Christian Scientists, Lauren left her family’s faith behind at the age of 25 to become an evangelical Christian. She is married to her high school sweetheart, and they live in Northern California with their four children.

Finding Freedom Through the Deliverance Ministry, with Karen King

My guest Karen King has developed a passion for the deliverance ministry specifically the deliverance from demonic attachment, influence, oppression, all the plans and schemes that Satan has set against us. 

It’s no secret, God has a plan for your life and so does Satan but before we jump into finding freedom I do want to pause for one minute and acknowledge that some people do not believe that a Christian should or could have trouble with demonic attachments and influences or oppression, and if that's you, don’t check out. 

Allow me to humbly submit to you Job. A man who was tested in every single capacity of life and never sinned against God. As a matter of fact, it was because of Job’s faithfulness that God offered him up to Satan. With restrictions of course, but none the less we see Job go from traumatic emotional pain, to physical illness pain to a place where the pain turned inward on himself as he cried out to the God he believed in. 

We have this perspective about Job but we can also acknowledge that we’ve all been through portions of Job’s journey. Our own emotions can become weary unless we isolate ourselves from life and relationship. But isolation is Satan’s playground with regard to our mental thought life. So take the time to talk to Holy Spirit and ask Him to reveal the various ways that your enemy works against you to steal your mental health, kill your peace of mind and ultimately destroy you, even though you remain physically alive. Ask Holy Spirit to give you revelation and then whatever He reveals, take it captive to Christ.

Karen is here to let us know that we can find freedom from anguish, confusion, depression and anxiety, all the ways that we suffer when Satan goes undetected and therefore runs rampant in our thought life. Times when we allow negative thoughts and experiences to overwhelm us to the point that we live in fear and cannot find any peace. We’re in constant survival mode, never confident about which way to turn. 

Mental health is simply one way Satan works against us and Karen feels that stored emotions in her body (from a 20 year abusive marriage) contributed to the 2 cancer diagnoses that she’s received. But it has only fueled her desire to stand on God’s word and experience what it means when we read in the Holy Bible that, "...by His stripes (His wounds) we are healed." (My emphasis inserted)

He paid the price for our healing (be it mental, physical or emotional) with every drop of His Son’s blood so I am confident that the blood He’s invested is a clear indication that healing is for everyone. In other words, God wants a return on His most precious investment. 

Not only does Karen participate in the deliverance ministry by assisting people to be set free by the power of Christ but she herself has benefited greatly by also allowing others in the deliverance ministry to break off demonic influences that she has experienced. 

Additionally, she’s taken the time to investigate in what ways she has allowed Satan to have access to her and when she finds points of access she exercises the power and authority of Christ’s work on the cross. She shuts down the strongman and his structured kingdom, forbidding any division and casting them all into the pit of hell where they came from.  

Another way that Satan finds an access point and then we’ll get to the conversation with Karen, is when the uncertainty of life hits us it creates an environment that is rich with regard to questioning God’s goodness which in turn causes us to question God’s love for us and His intentions. Questioning God in the midst of pain is normal and expected but it’s an opportune time for Satan to attach himself to our pain and flood us with past pain that lines up with our current situation and therefore validating our emotions. All with the purpose of driving a wedge between our heart and God’s heart. Satan wants us to lose our footing on the truths that we already know about God.  

Satan wants us to define God based on our pain and fear.  Satan attacks us in our most vulnerable places. Our weakest moments are the perfect time for him to slay us and again, he doesn’t necessarily want to kill us physically but rather slay us emotionally and mentally. I can only imagine the daily celebration we afford him when we are alive yet dead inside. And really what kind of Christian testimony is that to the world especially when we’ve been given authority over our enemy and freedom in the presence of our enemies, despite the existence of evil in his life. Take that Satan!

Let’s get started so we can hear all that Karen has to share! 

Live Loved and Thrive! @alifeofthrive.com

Connect with Karen:
https://finding-freedom-ministries.com

Resources:
Downloads
Books
Videos

Want more information/episodes about other types of deliverance ministry options? Here are some links to past episodes:
Emotion Code Therapy Part 1
Emotion Code Therapy Part 2

Bio:
Karen King is an ordained minister who has been involved in ministry in Hampton Roads for many years. She is trained in deliverance, inner healing, and counseling. She is also a mother of seven children and has four grandchildren. Karen spent many years raising her large family as a single mom. Because of her perseverance and years walking closely with the Holy Spirit, she experienced deep inner healing from fear and low esteem. In the midst of these trials, she was also diagnosed with multiple myeloma. She has an amazing testimony of walking out her physical and emotional healing that was activated by her amazing faith in the healing power of Christ. Karen’s faith and determination through these trials allowed her to flourish in her spiritual gifts as she sought deliverance and inner healing from the oppression.

Karen also has a passion for nutrition and is a certified health coach.  This has played a large role in her physical healing.  Karen spent many years in catering and loves to mentor others in nutrition and wellness.  The Lord has given Karen a vision of one day opening a healing ranch where people can come for health coaching, physical healing, inner healing, and deliverance.  She has a passion to help people from the inside out and shares the love of Christ through her relationships.

Karen now serves the Lord by ministering to others who are fighting through the same mental, spiritual, and physical trials that she conquered through the power of Christ.  She has a special calling to mentor young people and woman who are struggling in their spiritual and physical walk.  Karen also specializes in personality assessments using the Disc assessment system to discover a person’s personality type.  These assessments help improve communication, productivity, and conflict management in one’s spiritual walk, job, and ministry.  She also has taught Disc assessment to churches, ministries, and businesses.

Karen also actively serves as a deliverance minister and is on staff with Finding Freedom Ministries, helping break ungodly oppression through the power of Christ and counseling others through inner healing.

Finding Peace and Comfort After the Death of Her Son, with Alicia Hodges

My precious friend, Alicia Hodges sat down with me to talk about the death of her son, Zane Hodges who was 30 at the time of his passing. We’ve had many of these conversations over the last 3 years. Our time together is full of exploring God in this context of loss and crying.

I want to back up just a little bit. Allow me to layout my day before I learned we had lost Zane. I had recently started a 7am Tuesday morning prayer time with a sweet mom of 10. We had to start early because of the demands on her day.

On the morning of June 16th 2020, we met and this young momma shared an amazing miracle that she and her family experienced that past weekend. True to the nature of a miracle something horrific presents itself and despite everything saying it should have a tragic ending it turns out completely different and their (then) 4 year old son is perfectly fine with no concerns left about his physical condition or motor skills etc. I can testify to the fact that he is indeed complete, whole, typical little boy. I left our short visit in awe of how God shows Himself faithful.

On that same day, twelve hours later I saw my phone ringing with a number I did not recognize so I ignored it. What immediately followed was a text and the caller shared her name saying she was a good friend of Alicia’s. 

Alicia, my sweet friend and devoted mx (motocross) mom whose family we had grown close to through many years of traveling together cheering our sons on, praying for their safety and nursing them when they were injured. We shared in tragedy and triumph, good and bad, highs and lows. 

I snatched up the phone and dialed the number back. I knew in my spirit I didn’t want to hear what she had to say.  But of course when someone you love is in need you’re propelled to run toward them. 

As the woman spoke on behalf of Alicia my heart shattered into a million pieces. It would seem that God did not show Himself faithful for her baby boy. Yes, Zane was 30 but do our children ever stop being our babies? 

These two women, my young mom of 10 and Alicia wear many hats in order to fulfill all the roles they are responsible for and they both value that of wife and mother above all the titles they’re known by. They are passionate about God and they each serve Him with their whole heart. 

Two moms serving the same God whom they profess to be good, kind, loving and protective. One with a beautiful story of restoration and protection and the other laid her son to rest. 

Neither mom did anything wrong. Neither mom was more perfect than the other, more godly and more favored and loved by God. 

How do we make sense of the good God who, at times seems cruel and at the very least does not treat us fair or equal. One minute He’s saving the day and the next it seems He’s disinterested, nowhere to be found. 

I’m not going to pretend I have the answers to understand what is clearly beyond my ability to grasp or process. A deep wisdom beyond my limited understanding holds the answers to the deepest cry of a shattered heart. 

What I can do though is share personal, first hand stories that give real life examples of how God cares for us in the darkest of dark valleys and that’s what Alicia does in this episode.

We discuss the sovereignty of God, His authority over life and death and why He is trustworthy with our pain. We touch on the stigma of drug abuse and whether or not it’s a choice. Especially when it’s introduced to a young person because of an injury. Maybe it’s a choice early on but at some point the chemical change in the brain takes over and that’s the reality of the fight, not a simple choice to use or not use. 

She briefly talks about what she refers to as “growth edges” and how, not wanting to be stuck in her grief, caused her to step out in faith to new territory in her spiritual growth and personal life. 

At one point I ask her a question that I like to ask my guests because I think it’s one of the major ways Satan attempts to separate us from God, His truth, healing, and redemption. 

I asked her, in what ways did Satan try to drive a wedge between her and God. Her answer gave me a different perspective. One I hadn’t thought about. Satan was set on destroying relationship but since He couldn’t shake Alicia’s connection with God he came after her personal relationships.

Near the end of our conversation I asked her about Psalm 23, specifically  how did God prepare a table for you in the presence of your enemy and what she shared gave revelation, making it clear that what God did in that situation can be applied to everyday life.

Where is the good God we profess when things become to much to bear? Listen in and hear Alicia’s testimony on how to find God in our pain. 

Connect with Alicia:
Email: skinsoreal@gmail.com 
IG @aliciahodges7
FB Alicia Williams Hodges 
Biz. Website aliciahodges.neora.com

Bio:
My name is Alicia Williams Hodges and I am originally from Roanoke, VA.  I have been married 37 years and we live right outside Roanoke on Smith Mountain Lake. I have two beautiful children and a 2 year old granddaughter.

I am a Founding Member with Neora, a Holistic Anti-Aging Beauty and Wellness Company and celebrated my 11th year in May of 2023. Previously, I had been a stay at home mom for 20 years and my days were filled with ministry, non-profit work and raising my kids.

Life happened in “08 and Neora found me! I am a solution provider for your aging needs and concerns. I am very passionate about helping people look, feel and live their BEST life NOW, while building a legacy of faith, hope, love and wealth for families and future generations.

Although I have an international business, I love networking, connecting and helping people build their businesses.

 

Want more encouragement on this topic? Listen to this episode with guest Carole Sluski, a mom who lost her daughter: https://alifeofthrive.com/2023/03/15/surviving-grief-and-the-death-of-her-daughter-with-carol/

 

The Uncertainty of Life - Choroidal Melanoma (Eye Cancer), with Suzanne Stines

My guest, Suzanne Stines has an absolute amazing story. A story that begins with complete and utter uncertainty. Suzanne and I talk about her diagnosis of Choroidal Melanoma, a cancer in the eye that is believed to never go away. Only 6 people in a million get this type of eye cancer. 

Even though Suzanne was having trouble with her eyes she felt it had more to do with her new schedule and work environment than anything serious so she didn’t make a doctor’s visit a priority.  What initiated this journey of uncertainty was a simple, but out of character request from her young daughter to see an eye doctor based on the fact that she was having trouble seeing the front of the classroom, the chalkboard.  

In the process of diagnosing Suzanne accurately, they look at 3 markers that will tell a patient what their chances are of the cancer spreading to other parts of the body. Suzanne’s test revealed that of the 3 levels, she has the highest marker indicating she is at the highest risk for her cancer to spread. But that initial diagnosis, is just the beginning of her journey as she pressed into the God who has shown Himself faithful in so many other areas of her life. 

As you listen to her story, maybe you’ll hear what I heard with regard to Suzanne’s faith. Yes, she struggled with God, yes it was frightening, yes she had questions for God as the heart stopping news continued to  unfold. But God was already in motion, putting things in place. In His perfect timing, He moves Suzanne and her family from rural North Carolina to the hustle and bustle of Richmond, VA. This location would put her much closer to the doctors she would need before she even knows she’ll need them. 

Here’s why I ponder how her faith has increased the miracles in her life. 1 Chronicles 5:20, the last part of verse 20 says, “…they cried out to him during the battle. He answered their prayers, because they trusted in Him.”

Suzanne’s story is going to encourage your heart in knowing that God is trustworthy and faithful through the dark valleys, especially because she shares two very important updates that I’m sure have the medical field scratching their heads or at the very least rereading previous data. But now they have some hope to share with their other patients. 

You know, if someone told me I was one of 6 people, in one million who had received something, I’d be thanking God for the lottery win. It's embarrassing, but I do believe that is where my mind would go first. But listen to the end of this episode and hear Suzanne’s parting words. In her heart she did win. She is discovering the most precious, intimate things about God in the fight for her life. 

Let’s jump in to this amazing testimony of finding the God of the Holy Bible in the midst of pain and suffering. 

Live Loved and Thrive! @alifeofthrive.com

 

Connect with Suzanne:
Freebie - 6 verses for peace, trust, and healing: https://suzanne-stines.ck.page/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/homebasewithsuz

 

Bio:
When Suzanne was diagnosed with a rare eye cancer in 2018, her world came crashing down. She felt completely overwhelmed and struggled through every stage of grief. She learned how to chase Jesus with her whole heart and has since pursued a deeper and more intimate walk with Him. She will encourage you, make you laugh and bring you to tears with stories of how God has moved in her life before and after the diagnosis. Suzanne resides in Richmond, VA with her husband and daughter. Ladies are invited to join her Facebook group, Home B.A.S.E. with Suz, where she provides weekly Biblical and spiritual encouragement. You can find more info about Suzanne here where you can sign up for her newsletter and contact her for speaking events.

Identify and Eliminate the Joy Stealers in Your Life, with Author, Doris Swift

Think about the new level of joy you can have if you'll take the time to identify the joy stealers in your life! So if you want more joy in your life then what my guest has to offer is going to be a great resource for you! Author Doris Swift is here to throw us a life line and what I mean, is the she’s here to help us identify the joy stealers in our life.

As many of us know joy is not something we have to cultivate in our own power and it isn’t defined by our circumstances. As believers it is a fruit of the spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness and self-control). And because it is a fruit of the spirit it is already present and available to us. We need only identify what we’re allowing to get in between us and the joy that is rightfully ours as God’s children’s. 

Doris has written a 6 week bible study on joy and this conversation includes the topics covered in the book: Reveal, Respond, Receive, Renew, Rest and Reach.  I believe her bible study provides a full investigation of joy, how we can find the fruit of joy in our life, how we can maintain it, and how we can increase the joy in our life.

At the beginning of this episode Doris shares about an exercise she challenged her audience to participate in with regard to laying down their joy stealers as well as agreeing not to take them back. 

She said she’d love to know if my podcast listeners take her challenge too and engage in the exercise she talks about. If you do interact with her proposed exercise, I as well would love to hear how you did and especially what action you took afterward to acknowledge your desire to leave your joy stealer(s) with God allowing Him to work them out in your life as you go about your day in His joy.  So leave us a comment associated with this episode. 

Let’s listen in to discover the power found in the simplicity of the type of joy that God has provided for us. 

Lived Loved and Thrive! @alifeofthrive.com 

Author Bio:

Doris Swift is an author, speaker, founder of Fierce Calling Ministries, and host of the award-winning Fierce Calling podcast. She is passionate about equipping women to dig deeper into God's word, take action where their passion, compassion, and conviction intersect, and walk boldly in their fierce calling. Her new Bible study, Surrender the Joy Stealers: Rediscover the Jesus Joy in You, a six-week Bible study rooted in John 15, is available at dorisswift.com.
        
She currently resides in Central Florida with her husband Brian, is mom to an amazing son and daughter and their spouses, and Gammy to six awesome grandkids.

 

Connect With Doris:
Website: dorisswift.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DorisSSwift
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dorissusanswift/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/DorisSSwift

 

Transcription: https://www.happyscribe.com/transcriptions/621e62d78ba64b39ad5170405c44bc78/view?organization_id=868176