Finding God in Our Pain

When a Husband Disengages, God’s Love is Enough, with Eileen Love

What do we do when our husband disengages? What are our options when they're not able to give us the emotional attachment we long for? My guest, Eileen Love shares what God showed her after her husband pulled away from his faith and from her.

Eileen and I talk about her faith journey as part of the Jesus Revolution generation. Coming into the knowledge of Jesus and choosing to receive what He offers us, eternal life, was just the beginning of her story. It would be her personal relationship with Christ as the lifeline she’d need to live free in this life, despite the reality of a deep ache in her heart for her beloved husband to return fully to his faith.

Eileen comes to knowledge of Christ as a young person. She meets a young man, he’s a new believer too and he later becomes her husband. Once married they seek out and find a church they believe is a good fit to feed their hunger to learn more about Christ. They’re passionate about growing in their faith and they lean into their new church family. But sadly, it would be in this family environment that their faith would be challenged by what they would later come to understand, was a church of false religion, a cult.

This becomes a very significant marker in her husband’s life. That situation, along with some other experiences take its toll on him and Eileen's husband disengages from his faith to the point that Eileen can’t talk to him about God. She can’t share important things with the man she dearly loves. She feels alienated in her marriage, discouraged and mad at God.

How did Eileen stay in her marriage until her husband's passing, a 40+ year commitment with a husband who did not share his whole self with her? A marriage where she was not able to share her whole self with her precious husband.

I know that when things go bad we often ask God to put it back together, make it like it used to be. However, the beauty of allowing God to restore things is that He never puts them back like they used to be. And if we really think about it, do we want it back like it used to be? More than likely it fell apart for a reason. It wasn't able to hold up under the pressure of life. Especially if it's not God centered. God restores with His value system and that’s how we get things we never imagined or thought to ask for.  

As it does for all of us at some point in our journey, God draws Eileen back into His heart. He shows her the power of His love for her that overwhelms the lack of her earthly relationship with her beloved husband. She has some wonderful insight and shares the revelations that changed her mindset, encouraged her heart and enabled her to love her husband no matter what.

We close in a really beautiful place talking about the deeper things of relationship that God has for us in the midst of complicated life like a husband who disengages. God has bigger dreams, with deeper roots, bigger revelations that lead to deeper intimacy. Simply put, what He has for us is a beauty that is not of this world. We can’t perceive it until we experience it with Him. He does it for our good and His Glory

Let's listen in!

Transcript: https://www.happyscribe.com/transcriptions/dab65521df2e48c5be778ad5780ff5dd/edit_v2?organization_id=868176

 

Surviving Grief and The Death of Her Daughter, with Carole Sluski

Surviving Grief and The Death of Her Daughter with Carole Sluski

One of the most difficult experiences in this life would have to be surviving the loss of a child. I had the sweet opportunity to talk with 78 year old Carole Sluski. She has a passion for offering hope and encouragement to other parents, who, like her, have had to navigate immense grief after loosing a child. Thirty years ago, Carole laid to rest her 24 year old daughter, Paula.

Podcasts have become a fresh new way to share one's message so Carole has a renewed passion to tell her story with the goal of letting other parents know they’re not alone. She has also authored a book entitled, Thirty - A Mother's Spirtual Journey After Loosing Her Child, and she shares about her journey, from a Catholic perspective of surviving the most painful thing she's ever experienced. 

Something worth pointing out for my audience is that I acknowledge the differences between Carole’s Catholic faith and mine being an Evangelical Christian.  

With regard to those differences, I talked with Carole prior to our actual podcast episode. She was comfortable with my perspective and what my audience would be looking for and the possibility that some things could potentially be edited out.

For the most part, it was moderately edited. I did however, leave some differences that I felt could be wisely discerned by my Evangelical audience. Additionally, I also left some differing opinions when I was able to add my perspective.

I always enjoy differing conversations because I’m intrigued to hear how we, as one human race, make sense of the world around us. How we set up belief systems, which ones we ascribe to and in what way. 

I hope you enjoy our conversation as much as I did!

Live Loved and Thrive! @alifeofthrive.com

Connect with Carole on her website: https://www.carolesluski.com/ 

BIO: Carole Sluski is a mother of two daughters, but she is also a victim of the worst loss a person can have: she is a parent who lost her child and experienced mental and physical pain of grief. Through devotion in faith, she reached out to God for help to survive.

She currently resides in Florida with her husband Dr. Dennis Sluski, and after thirty years, Carole had a calling to share her journey of learning how to live out life with peace and well-being. Her story will make you cry, laugh, connect, understand, learn, sympathize, appreciate, and believe in hope.

Over the course of years, she gathered her expertise, knowledge, and talent and put it to use for her recovery and to benefit others she loves. Professionally, Carole is an accomplished entrepreneur in business and creative arts.

Transcript: https://www.happyscribe.com/transcriptions/167eebe3da2341358b1528a93fcb2ca1/edit_v2

Heal From Childhood Abuse, with Virginia Jones

Healing From Childhood Abuse with Virginia Jones

Childhood abuse deeply impacts our adult life on many levels but there is hope. My guest Virginia Jones and I talk about recovering from childhood abuse. Topics such as how to heal, the importance of boundaries, and what does it mean to honor your mother and father despite the cruelty they showed you. 

Our focus today is not about the details of abuse we endured, we use our types of abuse as a point of reference but our conversation today is how to heal from childhood abuse. 

Because of the imprint left on your life from childhood abuse there is often a distance between the effects of it experienced in adulthood and actually discovering full, healthy healing. Virginia and I dig into what it looks like to heal as well as what are some of the ways we can take action or the things we can put in place that is going to move us toward healing.

As an example, in the opening (audio) clip Virginia is talking about how to take control of our thought life and internal dialog when it comes to verbally beating ourself up or dwelling on the pain of what happened. She’s not saying ignore the pain but she is saying to take responsibility for your healing and part of that is dismantling the belief systems we’ve created that are associated with our abuse. Don't misunderstand what I just said. I'm not saying you're responsible for what happened to you, I'm saying take responsibility for your healing by taking the necessary steps to find help and wholeness. 

A lot of times when I’m doing the editing for an audio, it puts me in a position where I'm outside of the conversation. That outside looking in often gives me a deeper bit of clarity and that happened with something Virginia said. 

We were talking about boundaries and the importance of setting them with regard to what it looked like to honor our parents yet make wise decisions that would keep each of us safe as well as keep our families safe. 

One part of that conversation revolved around how other people, specifically our Christian brothers and sisters may define what it means to honor our parents. We may get criticized about our decisions or receive unsolicited advice. 

Virginia made the point that we set boundaries based on the full story of what has happened versus what others think we should do based on their personal definitions of the word honor. Anyone outside the actual abuse only has part of the story and what they think they know about our situation. 

That's when I was reminded that God has set intentional boundaries for all of creation. His boundaries are based on the fact that He knows the full story from beginning to end and because of what He knows He's set limitations to keep us safe. 

When you think about the boundaries in nature, such as ocean water, if the water passes the boundaries set by God it can destroy everything in its path. 

When we step outside of His standard for doing relationship the damage can be seen and felt for years.

When we live contrary to His instruction we're at risk of life altering consequences that can bring guilt and shame. His boundaries are in place to keep us from experiencing these painful consequences because of the resulting guilt and shame. Those two consequences, guilt and shame bring separation from Christ and that’s what God is trying to help us avoid. 

When I was raising my sons, I set boundaries in my home for two things, morality and safety. Whenever my sons chose to step outside those boundaries they tied my hands. Mainly because they were at risk but also because it grieved my heart to see them suffer the consequences. 

In short, boundaries have a purpose and it’s to protect us in situations where wisdom dictates that we need to be protected. 

Before I close, I do want to add this thought, guilt and shame can be laid at the feet of Jesus and we can find peace and forgiveness. The blood of Jesus washes the things of this life off of us. It's not about living a perfect life but if we stay in close relationship with Jesus, do this life with God's value system, His heart we can limit the emotional trauma and mental scars and all the work that will need to be done to heal.

The good news of Jesus Christ is that no matter what this life throws at you, no matter what people do to you, or try to label you with…you keep the eyes of your heart of Christ. He’s writing a much bigger love story with you, an over arching love story with you as the individual He created you to be. 

Its in the drawing close to Jesus that we find peace, break free from the lies, leave behind guilt and shame and walk in the freedom that Christ has made available to us in the here and now.

Let’s listen in!

God Speaks Beautiful Things in the Dark!

You can find Virginia here: https://www.thevintagecafepodcast.com/
https://www.facebook.com/vintagecafepodcast
https://www.instagram.com/audiofarmgirl/

BIO:
Coming from a background of abuse has given me the perspective of being grateful for each and every day. I am a veteran homeschool mom of two amazing daughters, wife to the most amazing husband, photographer, homesteader and podcaster. I love to walk along the beach, read a cozy mystery while having a cup of Earl Grey tea and make memories with my family. One of my goals in life is to be an inspiration to others. Whether that be through my podcasting, photography or homesteading. We can give a person a fish for a day or we can teach that person to fish for a lifetime. Every day is an opportunity to change someone's life. 

Transcript: https://www.happyscribe.com/transcriptions/5e97285d61b34802aabfa6b673cbd3f8/edit_v2

Does God Care about People in Prison? Ex-Con, Steven Snook Says He Does

Does God Care about People in Prison? Ex-Con, Steven Snook Says He Does

Does God really care about people in prison? What does it look like for God to pursue the heart of rebellious, prideful, stiff necked, hard headed, broken people?

Since these adjectives could describe any of us at varying stages of our life, maybe that question has crossed your mind. If so, I’m glad you’re here because my guest today, Steven Snook answers it from the position of having been a prisoner. Not only a prisoner to the experiences and circumstances in his life but as a prisoner in a federal prison, here in the United States.

This is the longest episode I’ve done to date and I’d like to say it’s because Steven and I discuss his twenty-two year prison sentence, therefore it would naturally be a long conversation. But the truth is, it’s long because of the countless stories of how God interrupted Steven’s criminal career, drastically changed his life and then proceeds to use everything about Steven’s prison journey to cross paths with individuals that are on God’s heart.  

Steven shares example after example of how God showed up in some of the most unlikely places, one example being solitary confinement.

Steven talks about how God used him to shine the Light of the World (God’s Son) into the hearts of those who were willing to grab the lifeline that God offers to each of us. 

Steven also had encouragement for the praying momma, grandmother, sister, aunt who is wrapping their loved one in prayer, asking, begging God to intervene. Because Steven has seen, over and over the power of a praying woman when it comes to inmates making peace with God. Could it be that God searches out the ones that a prayer warrior is petitioning God for and standing in faith for answered prayers?

If you think about it, there’s justice/injustice, good/evil, truth/lie, love/hate, God/Satan. My point being, there are only 2 realities that we should be concerned with, heaven and hell. This life as we know it, is a foreshadowing of what is to come when we transition into eternity. 

While here, we get glimpses of what heaven is like and we get glimpses of what hell is like. I personally think that institutionalized correction centers are a prime example of the foreshadowing, a small sample of what hell will be like.

But take heart, because on this side of eternity God enters into those places through willing men and women who will bend their will to God’s plans to reach every person possible.

At the time of this recording, January of 2023, Steven has been out of jail coming up on a year. After fulfilling his sentence, he’s transitioned from reaching the prisoners behind the bars to people outside the jail that have erected their own personal prisons or man-made hell. 

Does God care about people in prison? You bet He does! It’s the reason He sent His Son, to save us, to enable us to live free in the here and now no matter your environment/circumstances/situation. 

As you listen to what Steven shares, may your heart be captivated by the beauty of who Christ is in this type of setting and the lengths that He will go to in order to create an intersection between His obedient son or daughter and a prodigal that He is passionately pursuing. 

God Speaks Beautiful Things in the Dark!

 

Connect with Steven Snook:
Website: JesusSpeaksLLC.com
Rapha Scripture Frame: https://jesusspeaksllc.com/products/rapha-frame-15
Email: JesusSpeaksLLC@gmail.com

Bio:
Steven Snook, Owner and Creator of Jesus Speaks LLC (Life, Liberty & Christianity) uses every opportunity he can to share the story of how God interrupted his life of extreme poverty and crime that had started at the age of 15. 

After many years of hardened criminal activity God reaches Steven in one personally devastating moment. Even though Steven knew very little about the God of the Holy Bible, he begins to experience this God in supernatural ways. As Steven begins to yield to the miraculous, God works both in him and through him.

God uses everything about Steven's prison sentence, including each passing year, the different prisons he's sent to, even keeping Steven in solitary confinement for a year, using Steven to reach the darkest, most isolated place in prison.

Steven’s personal transformation, including what he has currently brought to the marketplace (Rapha Scripture Frame), is a testimony of God’s power and authority to take what Satan meant to destroy him with and turn it for his good and God’s glory.  

His training ground, that of the various federal prisons across the United States, puts Steven in a unique position to speak to those who are not going to be reached for Christ in traditional ways. Now, outside prison, his passion to share the gospel and good news of Jesus Christ has not slowed down. You’ll find him talking to complete strangers about the approachable, miracle working God of the Holy Bible. 

Transcript: https://www.happyscribe.com/transcriptions/0460402bc8cd4b09a02a670a7443d5e5/edit_v2

Genetic Testing and Prophylactic Mastectomy, with Erin Simeone

Genetic Testing and Prophylactic Mastectomy with Erin Simeone

Erin Simeone and I talk about her personal journey with genetic testing, genetic mutations, a breast cancer scare and her double prophylactic mastectomy.

Based on her mother's cancer diagnosis Erin started preventive check-ups. At one of these appointments Erin is given the option to check for the BRCA gene.  Now mind you, Erin is in her early 30's, raising a baby boy and planning on having more children with her husband so having to face the decision whether or not to pursue genetic testing was very daunting.

Simple as it may sound, making the decision whether or not to get tested actually has a very weighty consideration attached to it. What if it comes back positive for a genetic mutation? She'd then be forced to make a decision on which path to choose and no matter what she chose, it would impact every aspect of her life. 

She did decide to do the testing and when the results came back 6 or 8 weeks later, she did discover that she indeed had a genetic mutation. Now she faced even harder decisions. Erin shares an example that her doctor gave her that let her know she faced a 75% chance of having breast cancer. What would this mean for her young family and any future plans for adding more children?

Fresh in Erin's mind is thought of her friend, a young mom herself who passed from breast cancer after a courageous fight. Erin also recalled the painful yet successful battle her mother went through as she faced her breast cancer diagnosis when Erin was only 15.

Erin shares her thoughts as she wrestles with the decision process and eventually deciding to get the double mastectomy. Additionally, she tells us the 2 things that she couldn't live without while going through the recovery period. 

As surgeries do, her mastectomy left her feeling very vulnerable and helpless so Erin also shares not only who you want in your corner but how you can come alongside someone to help them through such a vulnerable phase. 

I love what she termed her, two am friends. She was saying that you need to find people who you can call at 2am and they're there for you.

I immediately thought of my sister and a couple of my friends that I would consider my 2am friends but then I got to thinking, at our age we all cut our phones off in hopes of getting a solid night of sleep and not have to get up to go to the bathroom! But the good news is, Jesus is always accessible and that is the one thing that stands out the most in this conversation with Erin.

She gave example after example of the importance, the difference and the impact that her personal relationship with God made in the midst of uncertainty and hard questions.

Her desire to use her pain to make a difference for just one person was the motivation that kept her going. Each time she wanted to focus on the hard parts of this season she would turn her focus to God. Looking, listening and seeking His presence, allowed her to see Him through countless situations and experiences.

One of the bible verses that was very powerful for her was when God lead Moses to the Red Sea. She talks about how encouraged she became when she noticed something about that scripture that she had missed many times before. A small detail and yet oh so powerful! 

I do want to pause for a moment and purposefully speak to those who have lost a loved one to cancer and Erin does touch on it. If you've lost a loved one, we're not saying God didn't love them or protect them or that He forgot them. God holds the fullness of life in the palm of His hand it's not over until, in His Sovereignty, He brings it to a close. 

Every single one of us will leave this life on a vehicle one of which is cancer. Death comes for every living being. Actually, death is a transition phase. We will pass from here into eternity and more to Erin's point, do you know which eternity you'll transition to? There are only two choices, heaven and hell and it's on this side of eternity that we get to step out in faith and choose to love Jesus in return. What is love if not a choice, right?

With Erin's salvation in tact and her healing journey in place, the question she gets most often is, would she choose the mastectomy all over again if she had to? Listen in to find out!

Live Loved and Thrive! 

Bio:
Erin lives in Chesapeake, Virginia, with her husband of close to eleven years, a son, Cullen who is six and a daughter, Camryn who is one. She is a local to the area, having been born and raised in Virginia, and is truly blessed to have most of her immediate family still living locally. 

She teaches in the local community and finds joy in building relationships with her students as well as working with them to achieve their hopes, dreams and goals, making learning fun and engaging. Erin attends River Oak Church where she has met life long, 2am friends that have become family, and is an active member of the church body, as well as her in home life group. She enjoys working in the children’s ministry, helping with VBS, helping new members find a place to serve wherever and whenever she meets new people, or helping in any way the Lord moves. 

While cancer has been such a tremendous part of her family, in both positive and negative ways, Erin counts it all joy to have been given the opportunity to get ahead of a cancer diagnosis, and hopes to continue to be used as a vessel for the Lord in her family, her church, her school and her community. She strives to find Jesus in every day, and leans wholly on His direction and guidance as she maneuvers through marriage, motherhood, family, church, friendships, and school. 

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” James 1:2-4

Transcript: https://www.happyscribe.com/transcriptions/d059b7a3cf9d4a1bbb9955d6ee858096/edit_v2

 

Mental Illness/Bipolar is not a Death Sentence, with Susan Johnson

Mental Illness/Bipolar is not a Death Sentence with Susan Johnson

I couldn’t wait to share this conversation with you!  My guest is Susan Johnson and she’s the author of, Some Dreams Are Worth  Keeping: A Memoir of My Bipolar Journey.

I was impressed by her courage to have an open dialog about mental illness. With her personal diagnosis of Bipolar, I had a specific interest in this topic because as many of you may know my mother struggled with bipolar. At that time, back in the mid 80’s, my mom was diagnosed as manic depressive. That's what they use to bipolar.

Not many people, my mother included are willing to talk about mental illness, and I get it. Because when I was growing up having to be on medicine because you were considered mentally unstable was considered shameful. And I’m not proud to admit it, but in a home with a mother who has brutal mood swings, I thought my mother was crazy. I said she was crazy.

So the stigma that surrounds a diagnosis of mental illness can be very unsettling and has the potential to make for a very complicated conversation because let’s be honest, how do you tread lightly with something so sensitive.

Susan is open and honest about her journey and she gives us some insight into what mental illness is and is not. Her willingness to be candid and transparent is creating a dialog that I believe removes a lot of the current day stigma by letting us see that it is manageable and life can be full and rewarding.

I’m confident that Susan's courage will give hope to those who struggle with a mental illness. She’s a college graduate, gainfully employed, happily married and has a full life! Something else she was willing to reveal is why she and her husband decided not to have children.

Her story is very encouraging! I especially liked her TED talk on Youtube (see link below). As you listen in don’t miss her explanation of why memorizing a 15 minute TED talk is an amazing accomplishment in and of itself!

Live Loved and Thrive! @alifeofthrive.com

Connect with Susan -

Order her book: https://www.sjohnsonauthor.com/mybook
Follow her on Facebook.com/sjohnsonbooks and instagram.com/sjohnsonbooks
Inspirational Speaker TM ACB
Best Bipolar Blogger Award for Healthline.com 2017
Stability Leader  www.thestabilitynetwork.org
Website: www.sjohnsonauthor.com
TEDx talk "Having A Mental Illness Is Not A Death Sentence"  hit the link here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AgeURPOQ8Ig 

BIO:
Susan graduated from Drake University with a B.A. in Sociology. Since her diagnosis of Bipolar 1 in 1995, Susan's true passion in life is to help break the stigma of living with a mental illness and bring hope to those living with one. She has given a TEDx talk “Having A Mental Illness Is Not A Death Sentence.” Susan currently works with special education students as an Instructional Assistant for a school district in Nevada. Susan is a guest blogger for a mental health magazine. She received the award for Best Blogger for Healthline.com in 2017 and appeared in the 2018 "This Is Me" article in BP Hope Magazine. Susan is a Stability Leader for a nonprofit organization called “The Stability Network.” For fun she enjoys hiking, baking, traveling, yoga, spending time with her Goddaughter, and trips to the ocean. Susan is originally from Thousand Oaks, CA. She now makes her home in fabulous Las Vegas with her husband, Gary, and Siberian cat, Angel-Ann. 

Transcript: https://www.happyscribe.com/transcriptions/3b8a4657e150401a8906739a323f1856/edit_v2

 

When Death No Longer has the Final Say, with Author, Sonya Mack

When Death No Longer has the Final Say with Author, Sonya Mack

What a pleasure it is to kick off the New Year around the topic of joy with author, Sonya Mack.  My only regret is that our time together was limited. It felt like we had just started when it came to a close. 

Sonya's book, "This Changes Everything: When Death No Longer Has the Final Say," is a true story of hope for those who grieve. As I've shared before, there are many types of grief because when we are separated from that which we hold near and dear to our heart we need to grieve that loss. 

This book and the beauty that it shares was born from Sonya's deep heartache of loosing her closest confident and friend when her mother passed in 2010 due to ALS (also known as Lou Gehrig's disease). In today's episode Sonya shares the various ways that she keeps her mother's memory alive with her two young daughters who never had a chance to meet their grandmother.

I definitely benefited from what Sonya shared today because when I think about my husband only meeting two of our 6 grandchildren, I want to keep him alive in our family too. Of the 2 grandchildren that met him, my then four year old grand daughter is the only one who can barely remember him. So I'm going to introduce them to their grandfather and keep his memory alive adding in some of the practices Sonya uses with her daughters.

Finding joy in the midst of grief may sound like an oxymoron but Sonya says it doesn't have to be. In her book she talks about the various ways she found joy again after her profound loss. If experiencing joy despite the presence of grief still sounds a little out of touch with reality or too good to be true, take heart, it wasn't an overnight discovery for Sonya. It wasn't without a genuine struggle in deep pain and with even deeper questions. 

My personal experience is that when you're grieving you must be purposeful to step out from under the weight of that type of pain because it can paralyze you. So it's important to change your focus or your surroundings and discover what else is going on around you. Sonya's book tells us of the various ways that we can take that much needed break from the overwhelm of grief and find, even a small, short reprieve.

Sonya is also the CEO of The Live Joy Life and she shared that it's an organization that empowers women through community, mindset, and the LIVE JOY principles, to live in the joy God intended. 

Any book is a great book when it shares all the information you're looking for on any given topic and in this case the topic is joy but Sonya didn't stop at telling you why you need to find joy, hoping that you find ways to discover it in your own efforts. She went a step further and developed the ACE Method which lays out actions steps so that we can find the joy of life even in the midst of grief. The A C E Method is the acronym for Access, Contemplate and Execute and she gives a brief explanation on what they are and how to apply them to our life. 

Let's listen in to hear all that Sonya has to share because with God, death does not have the final say.

Live Loved and Thrive! @alifeofthrive.com

You can order This Changes Everything:When Death No Longer has the Final Say, anywhere books are sold, including Amazon. https://amzn.to/3FzkE55

Website: https://www.sonyajoymack.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sonyajoymack/?hl=en

Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/sonyajoymackauthor/

 

Bio: Sonya Joy Mack has treated grief and illness for over fifteen years as a Physician Assistant. Sonya created The LIVE JOY LIFE, an organization that empowers women through community, mindset, and the LIVE JOY principles, to live in the joy God intended by giving their pain a purpose. Her debut book “This Changes Everything: When Death No Longer Has the Final Say,” is a story of hope, humor, and healing for those who grieve and encouragement to follow God-given dreams. Her work can be seen as a guest blog for “Find Your Harbor,” “The Well Des Moines,” and “Des Moines Mom Collective,” and in the Guidepost Compilation “In the Arms of Angels.”

Sonya lives in Des Moines, Iowa with her husband and two spunky daughters, where she enjoys red wine, dark chocolate, big hugs, and living room dance parties. Sonya continues to advocate for a treatment and cure for ALS, the disease that took her mother’s life.

You can find her at on Instagram @sonyajoymack, Facebook at www.facebook.com/SonyaJoyMackAuthor, or become a part of the LIVE JOY LIFE family at www.sonyajoymack.com.

Transcript

Widower, Daniel Doolan Shares His Story of Love and Loss

Widower, Daniel Doolan Shares His Story of Love and Loss

It's not too often that a widower (a man who has lost his wife), will talk openly about grief but my guest today, Daniel Doolan took the time to share his experience of loosing his precious wife, Kathy. He and Kathy were married for 48 years before Leukemia snatched her from his embrace.

When I think about the stigma attached to a man showing emotion I wondered where does a widower find comfort? And because God has said that it is not good for man to be alone, I questioned if there is any purpose left for a widower (or even a widow) after such a devastating loss? 

Daniel talks about taking control of his grief by embracing it. Actually, more like going after it. Which I thought was vey unique because whether male or female I feel like our first response is to protect ourself from it.  But when he shared some of the benefits he was experiencing by engaging his grief whenever it wanted to well up in his heart, they were pretty significant so I can see why he'd continue using that method as part of the healing process. He talked about how cathartic and cleansing it was for him. He shared how it felt that it kept him from bitterness and the overwhelm of anxiety. He was seeing improvements whether it be mental, emotional, physical and spiritual.  

As I was talking with Daniel he said something that made me think, wow, he's been engaging God about death for quite some time. To me, it revealed the depth of his relationship, the comfort, the confidence that he has with his God. All of us know that ain't none of us getting out of here alive but we really don't want to talk about it. 

But that doesn't appear to be true with Daniel. He told me about an old prayer he used to pray. It was my impression that this was before Kathy was diagnosed with Leukemia. Maybe it was a conversation he had with God because of their various health concerns prior to her diagnosis. But he was having a conversation with God about death and he said, "Father, when one of us goes, let us be a witness. If it's me, let Kathy be a witness. And if it's her, let me be a witness to those around me of your love and of your hope." 

Since God didn't take Daniel home first, he knows God must have a plan. True to God's ability to give purpose to our pain Daniel is more than the title of widower. He has become a certified ATD Therapy Dog Handler.  Now he and his blonde sidekick, a Golden Retriever named Amber are able to have difficult conversations that most people feel are awkward and intrusive at best. 

Amber's sweet disposition softens the atmosphere as well as someone's heart and that gives way for Daniel to have an honest conversation about the pain and struggle of cancer.  He spends his time giving hope, encouragement, and unconditional love to those who are facing the fear of uncertainty and the potential of death.  

The more Daniel talked the more obvious it became. Kathy was precious to him. He took her well being, her safety, and her care very serious. You'll be able to hear it in his voice, his love for her and how much he misses her. Be inspired by Daniel's story and by the beauty that is blossoming out of deep, deep anguish.

Lived Loved and Thrive! @alifeofthrive.com

Connect with Daniel @ dd9293@comcast.net

Bio:
Daniel is retired after dedicating 40 years to his trade of choice, Television Studio/Field Engineer. Additionally, he was married to his soulmate Katherine, a true daughter of the King and Savior Jesus Christ. After 48 years together God called Katherine home in April of 2021.

True to God’s ability to use our pain and suffering Katherine’s battle with Leukemia gave Daniel a desire to comfort others who are fighting battles that are difficult for many to talk about.

Daniel is now an ATD Therapy Dog Handler. He and his furry partner Amber, offer their accepting presence, along with words of encouragement and comfort to those who are going through their journey with cancer.

Transcript: https://www.happyscribe.com/transcriptions/b5de0ba1e35f4d2b9bcf603c782f16fb/edit_v2